189 miles to Canada!!

I have once again found myself in Skykomish, Washington, last year this is the place where I made the decision to leave the PCT and today here in Skykomish I can say I am continuing north on the PCT and I am going to get to Canada!! There is a waterfall of emotions running through me today, I am scared to keep going, scared to finish, but so happy to finally complete this journey, I feel overwhelmed with emotions and its hard to sit here and reflect on last year. So much has happened in the last year and I am a different girl then last time I sat here, a very different girl. In 11 days I will be in Canada and I will have completed the PCT, what next, where will I go, what will I feel. I have wondered how I will feel getting to the end for so long now, I have hiked 5,000 miles on the PCT and it brings me to tears to think about finally getting to the end. I have lost so much along the miles out here, I have felt so lonely, so weak, tired, hungry, thirsty, sad, and miserable, but I have also felt strong, felt content and happy, every emotion one can experience I have out here. I have seen beauty that occurs only in the best of dreams, I have seen the grace and power of the wild and I am so lucky for that. I have measured myself in the hardest of ways, I have experienced so much on this trail, great people, great landscapes, and the thoughts that come to me are powerful out here, they have defined who I am as a person and who I hope to be. That is all I have for now.

263 miles to Canada!!!

Its been awhile since my last posting, so much has happened, there is so much I want to share and write about. I am currently sitting at mile 2,402, only 263 miles to Canada now!! However, my heart could not be more overwhelmed, a million thoughts and emotions are running through me, thoughts about last year, about how I feel short of Canada last year, thoughts about my time long gone on this Trail and about my recent time spent out here. I have seen beauty few will ever see and I have gotten to those places all on my own two feet. Since leaving Ashland, Oregon my days have been hard, long 30 miles days, blisters, wild fires and challenges that have forced me to grow, to push myself harder than ever before. I have to honest, I spent many days in tears, many days wondering why I am so determined to "thru hike" this Trail and why I felt the desire to start all over and re live this Trail, why its so important to me to finish and do it all in one hike. I have failed to answer those questions, but I do know that for some reason I feel compelled to do it, so I keep hiking, I keep overcoming the challenges that face me everyday. Oregon was great though for the most part, and I miss the easy terrain that is found there. About 45 miles north of Crater Lake, I found myself caught in a wildfire with 5 other hikers, it was a beautiful clear day, we had already hiked 30 miles and all of a sudden the Trail was on fire, we called 911 and they sent out a helicopter to monitor us until hot shots got to us, we were escorted through the fire by the hotshots. It was quite the experience, it reveled to me the power of wild forces, how it can become serious and dangerous so quickly with no warning. Later we learned that the PCT had been closed earlier that day, but it was after we started hiking so we had no idea about the closure. I never want to be that close to a wildfire again.
Finishing Oregon was a wonderful feeling and standing once again at the bridge of the gods, the bridge that leads into Washington was amazing, I felt so proud, so full of excitement. And, now here I am in Washington and except for the cold and the rain, days have been alright. I am tired, I am sad, I am happy, I reflect about everything, I feel peaceful and then again I feel so lost and so stuck in my life, I feel strong, I feel weak. I have laid all of my failures and successes, my losses, my wrongdoings, my happy moments and sad moments in life, all of the moments in my life I have been able to think about, reflect on, I have been to the deepest parts within myself and though sometimes its hard and uncomfortable I have faced them all and had so very much time to think about them all and to make some sort of peace with them. On a personal level this journey has been real hard for me,  I have struggled so much both physically and mentally. My journey on the PCT will be complete in about 2 weeks and then, whats next? I will fly home to Colorado, get off the plane and start rebuilding my life, I will start planning my next great adventure. Sometimes I feel so alone that it drives me crazy, I often have times that I can't stand being in my own skin and I pray that I could just go home and everything that is messed up or unsure would become perfect and content, but I know better than that, I know life is measured by good moments and sometimes all you have are a few great moments, moments that change who you are and question what you believe in, moments that define who you are and bring you great joy, and not every moment is great, but as long as some of them are, that is all you can really ask for. I have had a ton of great moments out here and it will be hard to say goodbye to the PCT. Washington is home to grand beauty, so much of it, places that only one could dream of, colors of all shades, huge peaks, rocky knife edges that go on forever, rock that soars into the sky, simple quite forests and animals of all kinds. I left a piece of my heart in the Goat Rocks Wilderness, it is one of the most amazing places I have ever seen, I must return there, I must ski and climb Mt. Rainer one day. My sense and desire of adventure is only strengthened as I continue to spend time out here, I have so much I want to do and being on the PCT has taught me that I can do whatever I dream up. Here is to my last 2 weeks out here!! 

Wild Rumpus, Mile 1727

Well, I am finally in Oregon, 27 miles into Oregon actually. I am now taking a few days off in Ashland, to eat Indian food, ice cream, pizza, go see a movie, get new shoes, eat more ice cream and rest, and then of course eat more ice cream. The last few days on Trail have been trying. Crossing over into Oregon from California was quite emotional for me, I mean all it is is a tree with a sign displaying California/Oregon. I reached the boreder around 8 in the morning, it was cloudly and cool, and I was alone, for a few minutes I stood there, I guess expecting the Swisters to walk up, they were the girls who I hiked with last year and it was a wonderful day getting to that point with them last year, but they did not come. I guess the realization of how different this felt this time overwhlemed me, it made me sad. But, in many ways excited as well, I was in Oregon now, I have less than 1000 miles to Canada and I am making great time, so what to do, well, keep hiking north and carry those memories of last year with me, let them help me and encourage me to go to Canada and allow for new memories to fill my heart as I continue to head north, so thats what I doing.
Getting into towns is always a bit overwhleming and full of stress, when you walk into to town many people give you funny looks, they make you feel uncomfortable, they tend to look at you like you are homeless, they turn their heads, shy away from us, of course we are dirty and stinky, but we are not homeless and we are not just wasting our lives hanging around, but rather I am girl who follows my heart and it just so happens that my heart is full of adventure and wonder and I chose to follow it, I have made scarfices and overcome many challenges to get where I am and I intend on always following my sense of adventure. Despite that, some people really make you feel unwelcome, I want to reach out and yell at those people, tell them my story, tell them I graduated college and I am living this way by choice, tell them to open their minds and hearts and find adventure in their lives, but I can't, some people are just closed minded and I feel for those people. Then there are the people who ask millons of questions about what I am doing, tell me I am amazing, and how wonderful of a journey it is, like the waitress during dinner last night, she asked me where I was from and what I was doing in Ashland so I told her, I am thru hiking the Pacific Crest Trail from Mexico to Canada, she was blown away, spent an hour asking me questions, she was nice to me. And the kind lady yesterday who walked out of the library where I was sitting. I was so uspet, here I was alone in Ashland, it was so hot out, I was walking around with my pack and my bounce box and I just could not figure out what to do, where to go, everything is a long walk and I am sick of walking. The lady asked me if I was hiking, I said yes, she then asked me if I wanted a ride somewhere, she ended up driving me across town to a motel, it is a simple thing, yes, but to me yesterday it meant the world, it made my day. Or the people who leave sodas or snacks for us, the people who are up early in the morning at a random road cooking us breakfast, or give us rides or just stop and talk to us, those people really make our day. These are the kind of people who continue to restore my faith in humanity.
So with all of this experience the Trail is providing me with it forces me to measure myself to question my life and who I am, it inspires me to write to think to reflect. Reflection has become a daily thing for me, sometimes I spend too much time in my own head, but I am confident that whatever needs to happen will, the Trail is a wonderful provider and I cant wait to see what will happen next, what lesson will I learn, where will this take me, who will I be after this? For now I have Oregon to conquer!!

Almost out of California, Mile 1606

Well I have not updated my blog now for sometime, 900 miles to be exact. Lets just say Trail life has been wonderful, crazy, challenging in ways I never thought of, it has been so difficult so many days and so perfect on others. The Sierras were amazing this year, in my wildest of dreams I could of not dreamt the beauty and the enjoyment I had during my time in the Sierras. There was no snow, no snow, which was a welcome gift after last year, the Sierras were magical, beautiful, colorful, they were so perfect. John Muir said it best " In every walk with nature, one receives far more than they seek," I was reminded day after day why I so love the mountains, why I look to them for peace and challenge and why I truly need them as apart of my life so I can venture into them whenever need be. I was not scared but rather felt strong and delighted everyday, there were no creek crossings up to my chest, no post-holing, no losing the Trail, like last year. My time spent in the Sierras this year was a true gift. Since the Sierras my days have been spent trying to do big miles, the bugs have been nuts, for hundreds of miles the bugs became a daily problem, so bad that you can barely stop and take a break, they buzz in your ears all day long, they fly into your eyes, nose, ears, and mouth, I must have swallowed around 50 of them in the last few weeks. The noise from their buzzing keeps you up at night until late and it wakes you up each morning around 4:45 a.m. The constant buzzing is enough to drive one insane and for miles days seemed unbearable because of the fatigue and lack of breaking during the day due to the amount of bugs. Sometimes my entire shirt would be covered, they bite every body part, I counted 138 bites on my body last month.
Northern California is home to 4000-5000 foot climbs, hot dusty terrain and tons of mental hardships for hikers. It is a section of Trail where I have felt most homesick, tired and uncomfortable. The dirt and dust out here finds its way to every inch of your body, you feel sticky, dirty, hot, sweaty and tired every step, but somehow you continue to manage to do miles, somehow you keep hiking. Mentally though I am worn out, I have already hiked this Trail and each mile seems to be a memory of distant time out here, its like I am watching a  movie about an adventure I have already lived,at times all I want to do is go home, but then I remember, I want to thru hike the PCT, I hiked 2400 miles last year, falling a few hundred miles short from Canada, but I was not satisfied with that and so that's why I started it all over in April at the Mexican Border and now I am 1606 miles in, with only 1059 miles to Canada. In total I have now hiked 4000 miles on the PCT, and to think in just 8 weeks I will be in Canada at the Northern Terminus, a place I have been dying to see for two years now. The ridges in Northern California are wonderful, red rocks, blue sky, flowers that light up the land, butterflies dancing all around, and the sounds of birds singing, there is so much beauty and color out here, so much peace and I am glad to be able to hike, but I am in many ways ready for my PCT journey to come to an end, I am ready for the next big adventure in my life. With the beauty comes a lot of challenges though, there has been long waterless stretches some 28 miles long, hard hitches into towns, hot weather, and a ton of mental and physical fatigue. So here is to 8 more weeks on Trail.

and so it goes... Mile 703

Okay, so this entry will be a bit scattered and maybe at times not make any sense, but this is what I am feeling and thinking right now. Since coming back on Trail from my Grandma's funeral I have hiked 500 miles, I am now at mile 703 and the Sierras are calling my name. I have now hiked 3000 miles on the PCT, if I include the miles I hiked last year and if I include my two thru hikes on the Colorado Trail, I am at 4000 miles. I have 1900 more to finish the PCT and when I look at my life spent on trails, miles hiked, and amazing landscapes passed, I think of how lucky I am, how much joy and beauty I have seen through my hiking. What a wonderful gift my life on trail has been,what a fanastic way to spend ones life, living in nature, sleeping under the stars everynight and pushing oneself everyday. I am lucky and I appreciate all that I have been given. The death of my Grandma has torn at my heart, I no longer have any living Grandparents, and that saddens me deeply, because they are my history and I have so many wonderful memories of them, they brought so much to my life and its a huge loss to not have them here anymore.
I remember getting to this place, mile 703, Kennedy Meadows last year, how proud I was, how I desired the Sierras so badly and how I was so excited to be here, this year its a bit different, the place is the same, but the people are all different, I am different and I am a bit sad, but at the same time I am excited to once again go into the Sierras and see what I saw last year in a different light, with low snow, and so I am embrace this difference. The past few weeks have been sort of a flash to me, going so quickly. I have walked through the Mojave Desert, California Aqueduct, and miles and miles of harsh, dry, sandy, windy, waterless deseret. I decided to night hike the California Aqueduct section to avoid 110 degree tempatures, I set out from Hikertown around 7 pm with three other hikers, we hiked until 1 am, during our hike, we were shot at, at one point a car with no headlights almost hit us, the guy driving stopped and said," sorry about that I thought you guys were moving Joshua Trees, would you like a beer." This was such a crazy experience, only in the darkness of the Mojave Desert would something like this happen. That night the wind was upsurd, so bad, so loud and so strong. I had to tie my shoes to my backpack so they would not blow away and I was not able to blow up my sleeping pad, the last four miles of that strech I had to put my sunglasses on, in the middle of the night to sheild my eyes from the blowing sand.
The wind in Southern California is nuts, never ending and so strong, it makes everything harder. You can't stop to rest or drink because the wind will blow you over, you have to look at the ground, clench your hiking poles and try to fight it with each step. The wind tires me greatly and I am happy to be leaving the desert. I am hiking big miles, usually 28-30 a day and I feel strong, really strong, I can however, feel the wear on my body and fatigue is creeping in on me. Yesterday, getting here, I felt like a robot, hiking, hiking, hiking, no stops, too hot to stop, I get in this robotic mode and just go go go, and its good in some ways, but yesterday, I could tell its dangerous too. I felt so tired, so in need of water and rest and I just kept going, I felt so weak, but I just kept going, so I will have to watch this, I just feel some days I can't prevent this robotic mode and I hope I can manage to stop it, so I can take time to rest and see the landscapes of the Trail.
Tomorrow, I will head into the Sierras :) I will be out of contact from here to Lake Tahoe, Mile 1092, so for about 20 days. I can't wait to see a new season of the Sierras. I feel strong, but I am homesick and I so miss my dog, I miss having my friend. I miss getting water that is not from a trough, or does not have cow poop in it, I miss being able to wash my hands and get clean. Lately I have been so hungry, I wake up in the night because I am so hungry, and the thirst that I have during the long, hot, no water strechs is intense, its the worse feeling. So I miss being able to eat when I am hungry and not worrying about running out of food and being able to get water whenever I need it. This teaches me that life back home is good and I should never take it for granite. But, life here is beautiful, free, easy, simple, and in its own way perfect. I am blessed that this is my life for now. Happy early Father's Day to the best dad in the world, MINE!!

Desert Life at Mile 454

I am now at mile 454, taking a day off, a day to rest and reflect on the last few weeks of being back on the PCT. Its been a tough month, alot of things have happened and I have had tons of time to do some much needed thinking. Since starting the PCT over, I have had a flood of memories go through me, memories of last year, hikers I met and became good friends with, memories of nights spent at camp with those hikers, and memories of the challenges that face a thru hiker on a day to day basis, and now my story on the PCT has continued, I have met new friends and the memories of distant time spent out here is now being changed by new people, different seasons of the Trail and new attitudes and emotions that have started to take place within myself. My grandmother passed away early on the Trail, I got off to fly to the funeral and though it was 5 days away from the Trail, it was not restful, it was sad, really really sad and then after those 5 days away I once again right back on the Trail, it felt like a whirlwind and it saddens me deeply that she is no longer here, she was such a great part of my life, and like the PCT, my memories of her and time spent with her, is happy. So, now here I am on the PCT and I will be on the PCT until September's end, readjusting back to trail life, is hard, out here everything is a chore, everything takes planning, patience, courage, and determination, there is never a true down moment out here, its go go go, everyday, and hiking 20 to 30 miles a day takes a toll on the body, both physically and emotionally. The desert is a harsh place, a place filled with so much life, beauty and ever changing seasons, it is around 90-100 degrees during the day, sometimes hotter, and then as the sun goes down the tempature drops and it is cold, however, the past few days have been cold cold cold during the day, rainy some days, and our tents are covered in frost in the morning, this is strange for desert weather, but its mother nature and it is always changing and you can never tell what it will do.
The desert has grown on me, it is harsh, fire ants crawl at your feet, up the mesh on your shoes, lizards scurry every direction around you in the sand and dust, flys bite you, snakes seem to appear out of nowhere, the sun is beaming on you, water is hard to come by, and at the moments when you feel like falling over because of fatigue shade is not found anywhere. Then days come when its too cold to hold your trekking poles and the rain kills your spirit, this is the desert. I have around 300 more miles of desert and then the Sierras, a place where my soul feels most alive, most free, tall mountains, rock, snow, and beauty that can shatter any wild place one can dream of. The Sierras will be different this year, this is barely any snow and it is not a record snow year; I can't wait to see them in a different light. I feel most alive in the mountains and I connect in such a powerful way with the challenge, adventure and peace they provide me with :) so I can't wait to get up North. I have caught up to most people I left when I flew back for my Grandma's funeral, hiking 28-29 miles a day has paid off, its good to see familar faces and it gives me encouragement to keep going, to believe that people who you meet along the Trail are the best part of the Trail and without them, the PCT is nothing.
My body is tired, sore, mentally and emotionally going through too much, out here you have a Trail life, but you also have a home life and home life can effect your Trail life as I found out last year. Its a journey to find that balance of living two lives and I guess I am working on it. The PCT takes me into the true depths of myself and I am forced to come face to face with myself, all the good and all the bad, all the mistakes and lessons and all that I hope for in the future, in some ways thats great and in others its just too hard, so there is really nothing to do, but to keep hiking, keep having faith that one day I will find the balance thats right for me. So thats where I am now, and thats where I will be until I know more.

Mile 210

I have hiked 210 miles of the PCT since starting on April 27th,it has been a true reminder of good things and bad things alike, it has reminded me of the challenge, adventure, loneilness, and the joy I recieved last year when I hiked, it has allowed me to once again start a reflection process about my life, who I am, all my mistakes and who I altimately want to be. The desert is such a harsh place, screaming to me that I dont belong there, it is waterless, dusty, hot, shadeless and above all it is beautiful, but it holds a certain kind of beauty, and only when you stop to really look around and open your heart will you see it. My good friend Kim, joined me in Warner Springs, mile 110, and hiked with me to Idyllwild, mile 180, it was great to see her and in the end she did quite well, I hope she was able to take something wonderful with her from her time on the PCT. When we got into Idyllwild, I learned my Grandmother had passed away, it was like a dagger to the heart, what do I do, do I cry, do I hike, do I scream?? I remember Grandma Opal expressing her dislike of this hike last year and recently how she had told me "Oh Betsey do you really have to hike it again, just come to North Dakota." But I was going to hike, little did I know that in just a few weeks she would pass away and I would forever lose my chance to go see her. Today is my birthday, mothers day and sadly it is also the day of my Grandmothers viewing, I got off the PCT on Friday and flew to North Dakota, I wish I had come sooner. Being at her house last night without her was very strange, again what do I do, do I cry, do I try to remember all the great times I had there with her? I still dont know what to do, it is hard to know and even harder to accept losing someone you love. She was a wonderful lady, always making sure you knew she loved you. I will return to the PCT on Tuesday night and I will make it to Canada!! It is only the very beginning of my hike on the PCT, but I have been blessed in many ways so far, and yes, losing my Grandma is awful, but I will remember her, in the end all we have are memories, all we have is this moment.