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Thursday, December 31, 2015

And, so goobye 2015!!

How do I begin, it is very hard to find the right words to reflect upon and write about 2015. It started out like a Christmas miracle, in Telluride, Colorado- a place very dear to my heart- It ended in multiple surgeries and various personal challenges and struggles. And to be honest, not on a very good note! I thru hiked the Hayduke Route this year, 900 miles off trail, canyoneering from Arches to Zion through the Grand Canyon along the Colorado Plateau. It was suppose to be a trip of a lifetime, in many ways it sure was, but in others it was filled with sadness and strife. It was filled with worry, loss, and even though I did complete it, I remember very few amazing moments. I guess a huge part of a successful long distance hike is who your partner is. I had never done a long distance hike with anyone and so for me, having the partner I did, truly killed some of that joy and pure bliss that my other long distance thru hikes had given me. I finished feeling sad because I had longed for this hike for years, spent years reading Edward Abbey and admiring his words and beliefs. When I began the Hayduke, I felt such a great honor to be hiking it, in the end- I wished I had not- or rather that I had done it at a different time, with a different person. When I finished my other thru hikes, I felt sadness at the end, but I also felt joy and I was at peace. I have hiked over 8,000 miles so far and believe me, my hiking days are far from over. One bad thru hike will not bitter my love for wild lands, and mother nature. I moved to Arizona after the Hayduke, to be near the Grand Canyon, a place so vast, so unbelievably amazing that only dreams can describe it's beauty and wonder- to me the GC is a place of magic-a place that humbles me each time I return to it. It is a very special place to me, it has taught me many lessons and has allowed for some of the best days in my life. Moving to Flagstaff, AZ allowed to me receive a job as a GC backpacking and hiking guide and to work at a Trauma 1 Center as a Mental Health Tech. Both jobs gave me the chance to do what I love to do- help people and spread my passion for the wonders of the outdoors. But, Flagstaff has also taken me away from Colorado, a place I called home for the last 15 years, a place where all my friends are and where I thought I was always meant to be. I always considered myself a mountain chick, but I am making the transition into a canyon/desert chick :)

As everyone knows relationships are hard. And I don't have enough energy or desire to write about my relationship with that guy, it is simply too painful and so in the interest of saving myself more pain and hurt, I will say this. I loved a guy, who turned out to be someone I don't love. I have taken a stand and will not allow any more abuse or hurt from him. I am sad by this and I am filled with regret, but in a few hours this year will be over and it will be time for new trails, new adventures, new lessons, AND in less than 11 months, I will be on a plane headed to South America to begin a 5 year solo trek across the Americas- www.facebook.com/journeyacrosstheamericas- I am also considering a GC thru hike from March to May, so I have things to look forward to :) Though my heart is broken, I hope in time I will be able to make peace with this person.

In November, I went through neurosurgery on my cervical spine, suffered a mini stroke, had to use a walker and still continue to go to OT and PT, my vocal chord was paralyzed during that surgery and I recently had surgery on them-and on January 22nd I will have heart surgery to close the hole in my heart. I guess I am getting the deluxe tune up :) My body has been through a lot in regards to my health, but I have only been reinforced on how strong I really am. How even when things are at the worse- there is always something great! My patients at the hospital have been a reminder of resiliency, love, courage and strength, so for all of my patients thank you- my clients who have been on GC trips with me have shown me joy and happiness and that means so very much to me that I can be apart of their adventure. My parents as always have been by my side every step of the way- they are generous, loving, brilliant people who inspire me to be a better person- the rest of my family has given me so much love this year and I am extremely grateful for my family. My friends have given me advice, been there to support me and make me laugh- so thank you to all of my friends- and though my sweet Nanuk dog isn't here anymore, she has given me strength and at my darkest moments her memory has brought me joy and put a smile on my face, so to Nanuk for being there for me even though she passed away almost 2 years ago!! I am sure, I could write a lot more, but for now that's all I have. Happy NEW YEAR Everyone- thanks for being a apart of my adventure this year.





 









































Sunday, June 21, 2015

The Hayduke Story

It was March 8th 2015, Wade and I were our way to begin our thru hike on the Hayduke Route, our packs were full, we were ready, however, we had no idea what was truly coming our way out there, we were eager and excited though to begin our journey. After a 45 minute car ride from Moab we reached the Arches National Park boundary, this was the beginning of our hike on the Hayduke. We got of the car thanked Mike for giving us a ride, put our packs on and headed down the road into Arches. Just like that we went from being "normal people," to thru hikers on the Hayduke. I am no stranger to the life of a thru hike, in fact I prefer it to "normal, everyday life," but for Wade this was his first thru hike and I could see the excitement and nervousness for leaving everyday life behind in his eyes. For the next 3 months the desert would become our home, our teacher, at times our enemy, but it also became our joy and passion. It became a world in which we both grew whether it was from deep struggle and challenge or simple beauty, it allowed us to grow as people and to gain a stronger appreciation for the natural world and all of it wonders.
The Hayduke is a tribute of sorts to Edward Abbey, a man that could write poetically and beautifully, and yes, he was an asshole at times, but his love for the desert lands was contagious and his books are among my favorite. I understand his words and his message, so there we went down dirt roads in Arches where Edward Abbey was a ranger for a few seasons, we ended up in Courthouse Wash, quickly learning that there was no keeping our feet dry, that we would haver to walk in the water and quicksand and through whatever we could to make it through the wash and that is what we did. We camped that night in Courthouse Wash, our first night out :) so pumped!! The next day we finished our hike through Courthouse Wash and found ourselves in Moab, we spent the night and walked out of town and up towards Hurrah Pass the next day. Now it was really beginning, the desert was waiting for us and the realization of what we were doing had started to kick in. From the summit of Hurrah Pass we headed towards Canyonlands NP, around 89 miles from the beginning and that was also where our first food and water cache was. A lot of this land was 4X4 roads, or cow land, in Lockhart Basin we  found 5 cow carcasses that were in fact contaminating our water sources, we enjoyed a bath in Indian Creek and the views night after night and day after day were breath taking. The air was warm during the day, but the winter temps seemed to linger at night. We got lost trying to find our first cache near big springs TH, eventually realizing we were on the wrong road (silly us) it was a huge relief when we did find our cache!!
From that cache we headed through Canyonlands and into Butler Wash, a place that seemed to never see people, a place that seemed far removed and lonely, the walls were all around us trapping us down in the wash, making one feel so small and humbled. Climbing out of there allowed us to see an amazing view of the needles just as the sun was going down, the orange glow lit up the sky. Onwards we hiked toward Fable Valley, Youngs canyon, Dark canyon, these canyons were off the wall awesome, they had pools in them that seemed as though they were part of an aquarium, beautiful beyond belief, when we got near the Sundance trail there were people camped everywhere, so we decided to take 6 liters of water and hike up the Sundance trail- 1,200 feet in the dark, it was exhausting, but fun, something about scrambling at night with the moon lighting the way that makes me happy :) The following day we hiked all the roads which finally brought us out near Hite Marina. We could see the Henry Mountains not too far off, that was where we were headed in the next few days, up over Mt. Ellen and towards Capitol Reef NP. We hitched into Hanksville from there because I was becoming very sick with Crohns and needed a break. From there we went up into the Red benches and then down Fiddlers Cove to the Dirty Devil River, 5 miles of walking in this river and in quicksand and then finally enjoying a great spring because we had been carrying water for 27 miles.
Again we reached the highway after miles of roads and washes and it was now time to head up in the Henry Mountains, we got misplaced trying to find our way initially but soon we were gaining elevation and leaving the desert for mountains, a few miles up the road and all of a sudden we were post holing, for miles and miles this went on. We camped at the pass below Mt. Ellen and summited the next day, again snow and post holing, but once on the ridge the hiking became easier. How strange it is to be standing on top of a snow covered peak looking down 1000s of feet and only seeing desert, what a contrast it was. What a site it was.
By now we were a little over 150 miles into our trip, we were moving a lot slower than we thought, I was sick and my disease was really beginning to effect me. But I was not quitting. It is hard to remember day by day and all of the canyons we hiked through. We hiked in Tarantula Mesa, sadly I did not see one tarantula :( we hiked through canyons that looked like castles and kingdoms and no words can ever explain their beauty. We got lost for 4 hours one day before Capitol Reef NP and spent the day just trying to find our way, we were only using a map and compass, no GPS. We agreed to do this hike the pure, old school way, map and compass even if we got misplaced sometimes. We did get lost, but we did end of making it to the Burr Trail and into Capitol Reef NP where our second cache was :) our walk up the Burr Trail was spectacular, the colors of the rock against the sky was overwhelming, I must of taken 30 pics just on that 2 mile section. Ok, so now we are in Capitol Reef, what is next? Oh, yes, Lower Mulley Twist Canyon, up the red slide to Middle Moody Canyon and then.... the 26 mile hike in the water in the Escalante River. Yes, in the water up to our waists and bushwhacking on the beaches when the water was too deep, only to be thrown back out into the river by the brush at any given moment, poison ivy bordered many sections of the River, so we constantly had to watch where we stepped and pay attention to how the river twisted and turned and where and how how navigate this river without trouble. It was quite fun, but after 2.5 days of walking in a river I was over it.
Getting out of the Escalante River and heading up Coyote Gulch was quite a shock. In 7 or so miles I counted 52 tents, the smell of brand new gear and fresh showered people smelled awful to us, it was like a city park out there, so we blasted through Coyote Gulch, Hurricane Wash and got to our next cache which was on the Hole in the Rock Road, our shoes were covered with holes, so we decided to hitch into the town of Escalante to get new shoes, well, they did not have any shoes, so we fixed our shoes with super glue and headed back to the Hayduke. Leaving the Hole in the Rock road we hiked up 40 mile and along came Monday canyon, which was a bouldering puzzle, boulder after boulder for hours, then Rees Canyon and Rogers Canyons, all of which were difficult in their own ways. All of which were spectacular in their own ways as well.

Thursday, April 30, 2015

My Colon will survive the Hayduke Route

So, I have not written in a long time and since now I am half way(492 miles) along my journey on the Hayduke Route, I thought it would be a good time to stop, reflect not only on this journey, but on what has happened in my life in the last few months. My health is one of the most important things in this world and I have been suffering with Crohns Disease, Pernicious Anemia, and a hole in my heart forever. I use to think that I could manage my Crohns flare- ups, days of 20 plus bloody bowel movements, joint and muscle pain, extreme stomach pain, fatigue and so on, well, for the first time in my life, I finally figured out that I could not fight this disease alone or ignore it's pain and sickness. I am currently thru hiking the Hayduke Route, from Arches National Park to Zion National Park through the Grand Canyon, a route that is off trail, very remote and difficult hiking and I had been putting up with being sick day after day for months, but last weekend I could not bare the pain nor living day to day being sick. I had hitched off the Hayduke to a town called Cannonville,Utah, in the middle of nowhere and since I am on foot everything is far far way. I ended up hitch hiking 40 miles in the rain to the closest hospital because I knew I was finally at the point where I was too sick that I needed medical intervention. I spent a day in the hospital being pumped with steroids and antibiotics and then I decided that I had to keep hiking. I promised myself I would live my life despite the challenges, pain and sickness of the diseases and health issues I have. After all everyone has to play the card they are dealt, so I packed up my backpack and continued on the Hayduke, I am now taking around 12 pills a day and slowly I think my body is responding in a positive way to the medications, so I am grateful for that. This Hayduke Route is wild, wild as can be, miles and miles of canyons, lost rock, lost canyon washes and places so far out there most will never see. I feel like I am on a geological tour of the history of time and the history of the West. My days are spent climbing over and down huge boulders, quicksand, walking in mud as slippery as bacon grease, walking miles in rivers, walking through deep sand at the bottom of canyons so removed from the real world. It is so magical out here and so beautiful that I can hardly explain it or even believe it myself. It is humbling and scary sometimes, but never does it fail to awe me on a level I have never experienced. The Grand Canyon is next, 3 weeks traversing the inner North Rim Canyon on routes that only few ever see. I am looking forward to that very much. Although I love these long adventures, I do very much miss my family, especially my mom and dad. I long to see them and miss their voice and every night I spend on the ground under the stars lost in the canyon lands I pray they are well and happy. I love my parents and I am a very lucky girl to have the parents I do. So, here is to being stubborn and tough, to going for dreams and goals despite whatever challenge comes your way. Here is to fighting through chronic diseases and not letting them define who and what you do. That is all for now.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Goodbye 2014

It is difficult to find the best way to describe or explain how the past year has been. I started this year with saying goodbye to the best dog in the world, my sweet Nanuk dog. Putting her down was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, the pain still radiates through my heart. I then went spinning into a dark place within myself and life became filled with sadness, filled with ghosts of who I was, what I loved and what I stood for. My days became a struggle and for weeks I did not leave my bed. Nothing for so long seemed to bring me any joy or happiness. At the same time this was going on, I was with a wonderful guy who I loved very much and still to this day love him as much as the night I fell in love with him. I spent my spring in the desert, adventuring in worlds so beautiful and amazing it seemed sometimes that they could only be places in my dreams. I spent my summer finishing my EMT and was finally awarded my EMT, something I thought I could not finish when I lost Nanuk. The ability to help others in their time of need, is powerful and it is something I value and something I am passionate about. When the summer began to end in the San Juan Mountains I left Telluride to start a new path, to start the path of nursing school, to do something with my life, so I could travel the world and help others. The desire to give back comes from my parents, two people who have spent their entire lives giving.
I rock climbed my head off, met a lot of cool people to climb with, taught a few people how to climb, I was able to lead a 5.11 by the end of Fall. Lead climbing is bliss for me, its the only time in my life when I am focused on just that moment and everything else in the world seems to disappear. It is magical and powerful and I love climbing with all my heart, I love the challenge and the way it changes me as a person, how it grounds me and allows me to push myself.
I volunteered at the Animal Shelter in Frisco, because I knew that Nanuk would want me to help other dogs in need and that through working with shelter dogs, maybe my heart would get some peace with losing Nanuk. I fell in love with one dog in particular, Bubba. I found Bubba a home in Montana, and I drove him out there to his new home. It was hard to say goodbye, because I wanted him so badly, but I knew it still was not time for me. I took a walk with him before I said my final goodbye and sat with him by the creek near his new home, I took some of Nanuk's ashes and spread them out there. For me, it was a sign that through Bubba, through loving another dog, it helped me grief and go from the anger stage of grief into the acceptance stage. I found happiness in this.

My friends in Summit County helped me find my strength and courage to be myself again. I remembered how smart and funny I was. I remembered how much I loved hanging out with friends and making new ones.  So to all my Summit County friends, thank you for helping me remember who I was and for loving me, thank you for saving me. During my time in Summit County I also figured out a lot of my health issues that have caused me a great deal of struggle over the years, I was diagnosed with a hole in my heart, POTS, and sleep hypoxia, among the other auto immune diseases I already knew I had: Pernicious anemia and Chrons disease. My health has been so much of a struggle for so long, and now I can have surgery to fix my heart and hopefully, my symptoms will decrease. Having all of these health problems has been very frustrating for me, I ask God often, why couldn't I have just gotten one disease or one health issue, sometimes I find myself losing it and falling down and crying, because I am so active and my health issues have in many ways worn my body down, I feel sick, fatigued a lot and sometimes the pain gets the best of me. However, I know that I can manage all of them and that having all of these health issues and diseases is just a test of my strength. I can't wait for my heart surgery!!

Many good things happened during my stay in Summit County, I got all As in my nursing pre reqs, I had great doctors that helped me figure out the problems I had been suffering with for years, I had time for personal reflection, I made good friends, and I learned a lot about myself. But, everyday Telluride was in my heart. So after a semester away from Telluride, I knew I had to return. I had left a place I loved, there was a guy in Telluride I loved. I can't deny that our relationship was toxic when I was in Telluride before, but I felt something in my heart urging me to return to Telluride, so in December I did. I have been able to learn the lessons of forgiveness and love through my relationship with him and now feel content in my decision moving back to Telluride. So for now, I am in Telluride. I am excited for 2015, I know it will be one for the books. 2014, was a roller coaster of love, loss, pain, sadness, and forgiveness. Forgiveness being the most important lesson, being able to allow myself to forgive has given me a chance to love again, to stand strong and to see the beauty in the world. Thank you to everyone who helped me, loved me, or was a part of my life in 2014. This was a hard year, but I made it.. Each year I get a little closer to finding my place in the world. HAYDUKE LIVES!!!!
Bring it 2015!!!