PCT 2012 Story, Continued!!

I reached Timberline Lodge about 11 am, it was a cloudy early morning, mist hung around, but thankfully it did not rain. I was beyond tired. The last miles to Timberline, are grueling to say the least. The last half mile is all sand and within less than a mile you gain nearly 900 feet. Although, the buffet there is worth all the work. I made the buffet in time :) I ate so much, I remember how satisfied I was to get there, to be almost done with Oregon, again. I was worried about Washington, what if the weather turned, I don't want to be wet and cold for a month, and I can't fail again, I have to make it to Canada this year, that daily pressure over months really began to take a toll on me, I bet myself up everyday about not making it last year and thoughts of failing again flooded my head. Completing a true thru hike on the PCT became the only thing that mattered to me and I was going to make it.  I left Timberline Lodge with Nino, a guy from Japan, we had a lot of fun together, although we barely understood one another, he was a great hiking buddy for me. I reached Cascade Lock the next afternoon, thats the end of Oregon. In the middle of Cascade Locks stands the bridge of gods, the bridge that leads to my final state of my journey, WASHINGTON!! I have had always had to pay more attention to my body than most do, because I have Ulcerative Colitis and Pernicious Anemia auto immune diseases, which often make me weak, sick and tired, and I have days where I have to just realize that my body is different and sometimes that is hard for me, hard for me to slow down and except my body has a lot fighting against itself without hiking 1000s of miles and even more when I am out on my grand adventures. I stayed in Cascade Locks for three days, mainly because I was tired and weak and needed rest before heading in to washington, but maybe too because I was nervous about finishing and so it was hard to go, to once again set out to conquer washington and get to Canada. I was scared I would fail and that was hard to deal with, hard to find a place for all of my worries and feelings and just go, hike and finish this journey that had haunted me. I finally did it, I packed up, sent all my washington resupply boxes and walked across the bridge of the gods :) it was a huge moment for me. After you cross the bridge, you head up into the woods and there is a small wooden sign, displaying 508 miles to Canada!! Washington felt like a dream to me, it was by far the best of the trip, each town I reached in Washington, I would say to myself, don't get too excited, still so far to go. I felt strong and hopefully but nervous still that at any moment things would change, I would stop or that this perfect weather would move away exposing me to freezing rain and cold days. I had days of rain believe me, but it was earlier this year than last, it was not too bad. There was a few nights when I sat in my tent and cried, colder than hell, miserable, but God showed me grace, in the rain, sleet and cold, I kept going north. Each day I became hungrier, more tired, more homesick, like I had never spent time out in the wild, like I was fighting to stay alive. I was exhausted more than ever before now, and washington has tons of huge climbs and its not the place for the weak and tired. The Cascades are perfect, so grand. I am in love with those mountains and even at my worst, I found peace and strength in the beauty, it inspired me. I remember getting to Stehekin, the final resupply point of the PCT, 89 miles from Canada!! It was crazy, I still can't put into words how it felt. I had been hiking through thick smoke for miles and miles by the time I got there and my body was almost done. Again, I found it hard to leave Stehekin, probably because I knew I was going to get to Canada and then it was over :( that is a very difficult thing to come to terms with, in some ways I was glad it was going to end, in others I was heart broken that my days spent out there were coming to an end. I left Stehekin alone, bound for Canada and spent the final 3 days alone. On the morning of Canada, I ran into two guys I had been hiking with for a while and hiked with them for a bit. The night before had been sleepless, I could not sleep knowing I was only 14 miles from Canada :) On September 27th, 2012 I made it to Canada. There are no profound statements for this moment, I am unable to explain what happened at that moment within myself and I am still learning what it all meant. It was the most overwhelming moment of my life. After 5000 miles, I had made it to Canada. It was a day I will never forget. Today when I remember that day, it makes me tear up. Now that my PCT adventure was over, what was next? Who was I? Did I belong where I lived or did the miles I spent along the PCT completely change me? Did I believe in everything I had back in April? All those and hundreds of other questions quickly filled my head and despite how hard it was go fly home to Colorado, I went back to Colorado, confused, sad, lost, happy, proud and scared. I had no idea who I was and I had set out hoping to figure things out, all I figured out was that I had nothing figured out. My life in the wild ended and I had to pick up my "normal" life and start over.