Realizing that I am more normal than I thought

Making it through the fire was a very strange thing, we had not entered any closed areas, we had not broken any laws or done anything, there in the middle of the Trail the fire raged and spread. Pretty scary!! After hiking through the fire with firefighters we reached our goal for the day, by this time it was late and we were not only exhausted but hungry and I at least felt a need to try and contact everyone I knew. I wanted to hear people's voices that I recognized and knew without this, sleep would  be nearly impossible. My phone was dead, and the realization of I am out on a Trail, hiking from Mexico to Canada, I am living simply in a life where modern conveiences are decreased and charging my phone was not a option. Then I remembered that I am hiking the PCT to rid myself of the modern world, to challenge myself, to learn to listen to my primitive spirit and to reflect in a world of peace, because back at home in the real world, life is much more hectic and peace is seldom found. This is my my quest to try and find the balance between desiring elaborate adventures that disrupt the norm and living in the modern world, this is the hardest thing  for me to do, but I must seek out balance and at that moment of realizing I could not just charge up my phone and call anyone I wanted I began to feel sadden. Though I love solitude and adventure, I am reminded that I am still a human being that needs to  have other people in my life, I need to hear their voices. I don't want to be alone all the time and that night especially I wished to be back in my life at home with my dog, with everyone I knew and loved, back in a life I wanted so much to leave. In the morning, I continued hiking most hikers took an alternate route, less miles and easier terrain, but I followed the PCT. It was vital to me to hike the PCT, every mile, mile footstep, I was not going to take an alternate route to lessen the mileage even if it meant I was going to be alone. I hiked 33 miles that day to a resupply resort, there I met up with other hikers. I enjoyed sodas, and candy and phone service and I looked forward to almost being done with Oregon. I kept thinking about time and about mileage and when I expected to be in Canada. I was starting to become worried about not making it. I kept on doing big miles in Oregon in order to make headway and to allow myself to feel as I was making progress. By the time I reached the resupply point to go into Bend I was feeling strong again. I spent a few days in Bend and then headed back out on the Trail alone once again. There was a fire detour ahead and I wanted to make sure I met up with other hikers before then. I did and we spent the next days together. When we reached the fire detour near Jefferson park, there was a huge detour and we all hiked it. The Trail section of this detour ends and begins a road walk, others hikers hitched this road section and I hiked it, because I was going to hike each mile. I hiked the 25 mile detour and then found out the PCT had opened, I hitched back to the detour trail, hiked back up so I could hike the true PCT through Jefferson Park, it was so worth it. I was alone for days but going up and over in the cold morning was fantastic, coming down from this section I saw an enormous black bear standing alone in the trees, he stood there and watched me. I watched him for about 10 minutes or so and it was one of the best times in my life, it was a powerful event and just reminded me why I so loved the wild, why I needed it in my life.
But, now I was two days behind and I needed to hike, hike fast and keep hiking. I was bound for Timberline Lodge and wanted to get out of Oregon soon.  I was dreaming of Washington and of Canada and could not afford anymore time to play around, no more fire detours, hopefully. I was now on marathon mindset to hike, to not stop, to go go go, no matter what. That ole black bear had given me  a new found desire to stay out there and to keep going, the magic wild animals give out always helps me see the things in a new light, they inspire me and allow me to feel grounded. The spirit of the wild is all around me out there and it was time again for me to embrace it to love it and to follow it.

Always more to hike and more to ponder

By the time I was heading north from the Sierras, heading into northern california, my mindset had taken a huge leap, I had become unmotivated, depressed, exhausted and I began to question all that I believed in. I had hiked this all the year before, I had been here at a different time, seen different things and people and experienced much different events and feelings. I felt as though getting to Canada was silly, I wondered why it mattered to me so much, it was the first time I ever allowed myself to look at the goal of Canada as silly and worthless, though I still felt something pushing me inside. What was this, why couldn't I just go home, have an ordinary summer and be finished with all of this long distance hiking crap. Days in Northern California felt slow and I was sad, so much of the time was spent trying to  fight my own personal battle with what was inside of me, what I felt was right and what I believed in. I fought the battle with myself every step. I can't deny that there were perfect moment of peace and contentment, perfect moments where the beauty calmed me down and settled my mind, but most of the time was spent fighting this inner battle and trying to stay sane, stay focused and stay strong.
Northern California is not the greatest place, it is rough Trail and it lacks the beauty left behind in the Sierras. It is a time of struggle for miles, heat, huge climbs and for me loss of interest to keep hiking. Passing towns such as Sierra City, Shasta brought on new light for me. I was going to finish this, why? Well, sometimes you have to finish just because you started, so that was my motivation for hundreds of miles, that took me across the California/Oregon border and sailed me through days of discontentment
and heartache.
Reaching  Oregon, is a great feeling, finally, your making progress and in another state. At this point, I had hiked for 1,700 miles and only had 965ish miles left to hike. Stoping in Ashland, helped to restore my faith in humanity and it propelled me north for sometime. I met fantastic people in Ashland, one women in particular, who welcomed me into her home, drove me around and touched my heart in many ways. Another guy at a restaurant, who was with his family for a birthday, paid for my dinner, he told me that he had always wanted to hike the PCT, I had not even talked to him, I walked in there with my pack and sat silently alone. He must have been from the area and knew about the PCT and what we dirty hikers looked like. People were so gracious and kind to me, that gave me faith and so it kept me going. Next stop, Crater Lake, well, my mom's cookies were there at the PO, so I had to hike there. Each day I would tell myself something to help keep me going, I would give myself something to look forward to. I needed that very much, something to look forward to, to focus on, to bribe myself when it was too hard keep hiking. Trust me, days were so difficult and slow sometimes,it felt as though I was never going to go home. I missed home, I missed David, Nanuk dog, I missed being normal, being clean, I missed pillows, clean water, and the voices of many. I missed Colorado and knew it was there waiting for me, but at times it was so hard to be away from the other life I live.
Oregon is a pretty fast state to hike, less than 500 miles and hey I had already hiked 1700, well actually more like 4000, so 500 was nothing. Oregon has a lot of real cool areas, volcanic rock, cool peaks, crater lake, tons of lakes and lush trees, sometimes its like being in a jungle.
Around 55 or so miles north of Crater Lake, I was hiking with 5 other hikers, we had hiked 30 miles that day and were planning to hike 2 more to get to the next water. When all of a sudden the Trail was on fire. I had never seen anything like that before, real wild fire burning like that, it was crazy. We called 911, thank god we had cell service, after about 2 hours fire fighters reached us and escorted us through the fire. It was a crazy night to say the least. I would prefer to never be that close to a wild fire again!
After the fire...

North from Forester Pass to Muir Pass and beyond

Descending Forester Pass is unbeliveable, it is like being in a dream world far from any you have imagined. The beauty of the land is humbling and overwhelming at times, sometimes so much that it brings me to tears. Especially this year, the Sierras lay snowless and welcoming and each step was enjoyable and full of wonder and magic. The rock in the Sierras shoots straight up into the sky, like a rocket ship, the sky is as deep blue as it can be, the rocks at my feet are grand and the entire view as I can see it is nothing short of perfect. It is a wonderful land out there, it is powerful and wild and special. However, descending from 13,000 feet has its downfalls, you have to climb down into valleys full of mosquitos and then climb back up each day to the next pass.  Mosquitos are quite the challenge, some days I waited until after dark to stop and go to the bathroom, but even in the dark of the Sierra sky mosquitos buzz around. The buzzing after days and days and nights and nights can seriously begin to drive one nuts. Buzz, buzz, buzz all day long, buzz, buzz, buzz all night. Holy cow, I hate those blood sucking monsters. But it is a part of nature, a part of the cycle of the natural world, a cycle I love and so I manage to keep my sanity. However, there were moments that I lost it and would be screaming at the top of my lungs, "go away, leave me alone and let me be, go away you stupid things."But it is no use, up in the Sierra Mountains far above life is a peaceful place, filled with beauty and grace and down low below the rocks and in the trees lies a different world, pretty as well, but also alive with those awful, horrible, annoying, nasty, itchy things, mosquitos.... I hate them like a fat kid hates apples.

North of Forester Pass is Glenn Pass, a simple pass, pretty easy climb, but none the less epic and beautiful. I could remain on top of any of these passes forever, the views are just amazing and even now months later, though I have come and gone. I hold those moments so dear to my heart, I can remember those places and call on the memories whenever I need a moment of peace or a moment of contentment. Those moments are my savior many times now being back home. In the Sierras you don't rush to push miles, at least I don't. In 2011, during the record snow year, I would hike 10-12 hours a day and only cover maybe 12-15 miles, for a thru hiker, thats a very low mileage day. But this year, I slowed down my miles by choice and enjoyed each day, each flower, each pass, each view, and every break. I soaked up the Sierra sun and enjoyed the cool of the night that the mountains provided. There was no water crossing up to my waist or higher, no losing the Trail and no post holing this year. It was a warm, lovely experience and each day brought something special. In 2011, each day was special as well, the snow added so much beauty, but I had made it through the worst of the Sierras and I longed for a different season and this year my prayers were answered. Next comes Pinchot Pass and Mather Pass, these passes are some of the most grand places in all of the world, it is almost too difficult to explain the beauty I found out there or how I felt standing on top of those passes. There is just no words to justify what I found there or what it meant to me being there. After that, oh man, Muir Pass, Joh Muir said it right," In every walk with nature, one receives far more than he seeks." Muir Pass blows me away. I could live in that Muir hut and forever be happy, but it is illegal, so I wont. But the land up there echoes Muir's words and displays beauty in a way that most would not believe. I think this pass really spoke to me, it just excited me, it made me feel alive. Its is just wonderful there, just simply wonderful.

After Muir Pass, in my opinion, the next few passes are not as grand, they are not as special to me, they are still pretty, but it is a very different type of beauty than that found on passes like Mather or Muir. Seldon, Silver and Donohue Passes are still imprinted in my heart as great moments in my life, but they don't resonate with me like the others do. They are sort of the end of the grandiuer in the Sierras, for the PCT anyways. By the time you get up and over Silver Pass, you are at mile 890 or so and only a day from being able to resupply in Mammoth, California. North of that takes you up Donohue Pass and over near Yosemite National Park. Yosemite is a great place, however, for the thru hiker who has been out for months by this time, it is a bit like Disney World, RVs everywhere, people everywhere, noise and shops and all sorts of things that I want to escape, thats why I am a thru hiker. So though it might be a nice stop, it was a bit too much for me. I had to keep heading north because for me stopping in a place like that was robbing me of peace and time. I wanted my time to be spent out on the Trail, away from 15 dollar hamburgers and RVs, away from people who could not in their wildest of dreams comprehend what I was doing. So I kept hiking north.

At this point in on the Trail, things back at home, in my "normal" life started to crumble. My best friend, the guy who I had been dating decided to stop talking to me, stop supporting me on my journey. It tore my heart apart. We had most certainly had our issues. He had been unfaithful and had struggled with his identity in his own sexuality, he had done so much to hurt me and to break us apart. For so long, I agreed to work through all of it and still being out on the PCT 1000s of miles away from him, I agreed to do what I could to make it work. But, nothing helped, he decided to kick me out of his life and end everything we shared, even our friendship. It was devastating and it would as I learned open the door for so much stress and hurt upon returning home. Though I was sad and hurt, I kept hiking, I had to. I had promised myself I would finish this Trail and that I would be successful, that I would be strong, no matter what was to come. At times the loss was so painful, it challenged my resolve and it did threaten my success out there. I wanted to run home, to quit hiking, to fix it. I had done that last year, gotten off the Trail, ran home to him, and in the end it costed me Canada. So I was not going to do that this year, I was going to continue North, I was going to suck up the pain and hurt, I was going to allow myself as many tears as needed to get through this. I thought that by the time I got to Canada, I would be stronger about this, about the break up. I thought I could hike him out of my head and heart, I looked to the miles to help me forget him and every mile only made me miss him more.

I kept hiking and as weeks past, hiking began to be harder, to be more exhausting than usual. I had so many more miles to hike, I was still in California and had over 1,600 miles to Canada. California felt at times that it would never end. Around 1,700 miles of the PCT is spent among the landscape in California. By the time ones reaches Oregon, they can't wait to get out of California. Heading north in California from the Sierras is a bit strange. After the Sierras, California kind of returns to hot, sandy Trail. There is a ton of trees, a ton of sand, you are dirty all the time, hot and sweaty everyday, there are huge climbs, some of which are exposed and the heat in these places is awful. In a few places there are mountains, but it is nothing like the Sierras.

Mile 500- Forester Pass on the PCT

The first 500 miles had been crazy this year, hot desert days, cold rainy days, my grandmothers passing, being homesick, etc. But none the less, I was 500 miles in again and already the thoughts of the Sierras were entering my head. I was looking forward to getting to the Sierras and embracing what they had in store for me this year. The 500 mile mark is at a dirt road, it is nothing amazing and as I would come to know, most huge mile markers along the Trail are not in exciting places, there is nothing more but the solitude of the land. The desert does not care if you hike 500 miles, no celebration is given out by the land, it is a personal accomplolsihment, a deep feeling of success, and then of course knowing there was still so many more miles left, so much time left out there. A short time after the 500 marker comes Hikertown, a place that seems as though Hollywood left a movie scene setup, seriously, its a lot full of old Hollywood props and such, and it is in the middle of the desert, right before the long, flat, hot strech of the California aqueduct and Mojave Desert. It is a very strange place indeed, but a welcome place for hikers to get out of the heat and rest. The Trail Angles there have a garage set up for hikers to rest, shower, cook, etc. It is a great stop, despite being very out of place, however the desert is a place where so much is out of place, so maybe its not that strange. I decided to stay at Hikertown until nighttime and then hike the aqueduct at night to avoid the miserable heat and no water. So, around 7 pm I left Hikertown and started this strech, I had remembered this strech from last year and I was dreading it, but I had to hike it, so I did, and when the night finally came it became pretty scary, being out in the middle of the Mojave desert at night is freaking, there is just no other word for it. And the wind, heavens to Betsey, the wind is nuts, enough to knock you right over on your face. It is about 18 miles from Hikertown to the next water, which is at a bridge in the middle of windmill hell. I got there at about midnight or just a bit after, I camped in the middle of a field with three other hikers, it was the absoulte worse camping spot, but we were so tired and needed to sleep. I tied my shoes to my pack, covered my eyes to avoid dust flying in them, got in my bag and tried to sleep, but yeah right, I could not sleep, no way, the sound of the wind alone is loud and it kept me up, the hard surface and inability to blow up my neo air made everything worse, no way I was not going to sleep. Its one thing to not sleep back at home, but out here when I am hiking 20-30 miles everyday and beating my body up and putting it through difficult enviornments it becomes a big deal and it is dangerous. Though for me, sleep has always been hard, it is rare I ever sleep a full night and so what was I suppose to expect out here, no matter how exhausted I am, most nights sleep is a battle and so it was true even out there on the Trail. In the morning, well, I was beat, I could not keep hiking, I sat under that bridge with the bees and rested, tried anyways, and around 4 pm I continued hiking planning to reach the resupply town of Techacpai the next day. Again I hiked to about 10 pm and then camped. I knew I had to get out of this rontinue, sure it was hot out during the day, but I just needed to be back to the normal wake up and hike early and camp early life. I was a hiker who was tired at 7 pm and so hiking until 10 or midnight was not doing me anything good, it was screwing with me, so no more of that crazy night hiking I decided. I made it Techpacpi the next day and took two days off. I needed to rest, to write and reflect, its vital to do this along the way or it all just becomes a blur, so it was my personal plan to take time to reflect, time to write and rest, afterall what was the rush? Canada was going to move north or dissapear, so what was the rush? I would get to Canada on my own time, and trust me from the deepest places of my heart, I was no matter what going to reach Canada this year. For a thru hiker, allowing the idea of, "whats the rush," in to your head is challenging, because we hike so many miles everyday and feel unproductive when we are not hiking, we have no purpose when we are not hiking. Being in town is good for a bit, but after awhile it makes me at least feel stuck, feel like I am making no progress, those are the feelings that propell me to keep hiking, that and the fact that I am a bit crazy and feel grounded and content in the wild. From Tehacpai the Trail spans north towards places like Lake Isabella, and Kennedy Meadows. Being a thru hiker, you have to stop at Toms at Kennedy Meadows, make no mistake this is the Southern KM, at mile 702. Kennedy Meadows is known as the entrance to the Sierras, but it is still in the desert. Tom, is a Trail Angel that goes out of his way to care for hikers and he opens his home to us. To all of the Trail Angels who opened their homes and hearts to us dirty hikers, there are just no words to thank you, I am forever in debetd to your kindess and generousity. These people spend their summers taking in hikers, driving us around, doing our laundry, offering us advice or encouragment, making us laugh and cry and so to all of you along the PCT, thank you, thank you, for without all of you, a thru hikers journey would be much harder and much less filled with love.
Leaving KM, I wondered what was ahead, what were the Sierras holding for me this year, was there really no snow? I love snow, dont get my wrong, I am a snowboarder and ice climber, but the snow in the Sierras in 2011 was a true challenge, it tested everything in me and showed me the true power of the wild. The snow and the water flooded the Sierras in 2011, it was a record year, 300 percent more snow than any other year in recorded history. I had made it through last year,but it was one of the most challenging times of my life and though it gave the mountains such a special beauty, but it also took so much enjoyment away from me. I wanted to see the Sierras in a season where it was just the mountains, no creek crossings up to my waist or higher, no post holing, or losing the Trail. I wanted to see it in a different light. I am proud I made it through the Sierras in 2011, i would not trade those days for anything, but I just wanted a new take on them, so I wondered how it would be now, what would the Sierras be like this year, 2012? My concerns and ideas were soon settled by the miles and miles that went by without any snow.
Many times it was quite overwhleming to see those places so dry and free of the challenge of snow and water. I remember getting to the top of Forester Pass, 13,100 feet the highest point on the PCT and I could see for miles, no snow, that was one of the most powerful moments in my life. As I stood there, I felt so much grace, I felt welcomed and totally safe, feelings that were very rare last year at that same point. I felt so happy standing there once again, it is so spectular up there, it still blows my mind when I think of it. God, was finally giving me a break and I believe telling me to enjoy every moment this year. There it was, the Sierras were snow free, and safe this year. I am not a wimp by any means, I love challenege and mountaineering is wonderful, I just wanted a backpacking trip this summer without all the other crazy stuff from 2011 and God's grace allowed me that. Descending Forester Pass is like being in a totally different world, it is hard to describe the natrual beauty found there.

Mexican Border to Mile 500 on the PCT

Beep, beep, beep, its 5:30 am on April 27^th, 2012. I am in a comfy, fancy hotel room with my mother near San Diego, CA and my life is about to forever change starting today. This is the morning that I once again begin my journey on the Pacific Crest Trail. My goal is to hike 2,670 miles from the Mexican/US border all the way to British Columbia, Canada in the next 5 months. This might sound a bit nuts to many people, the thought of leaving your life at home and in many ways quitting life in order to venture on such a daunting journey, but to me it is anything but nuts, its exciting its what I love and though yes, it is scary and challenging and there will be many struggles, but to me it is a life I long for. Last year, 2011 I attempted to thru hike the PCT, I made it 2,300 miles, falling short from Canada, that defeat tortured me every day, my failure dug a huge hole in my heart and I judged myself as a complete failure for not completing it. I had spent all winter beating myself up about this and so there was only one thing for me to do, I had to return to the Mexican border and start all over, I had to complete a successful thru hike of the PCT. My mom was not too happy to wake up so early and she hated the idea of driving me to the Mexican border and just leaving me there. I tried to reassure her, but in her defense from a mothers stand point, it is probably a bit upsetting to leave your daughter alone to embark on a 5 month trek. We drove to the little town of Campo, Ca that’s where the southern terminus of the PCT, and that’s where the monument is displaying the start of my journey. When we got there, it was raining and cold, very cold and the emotions that were tied into this trail began to flood over me. It felt weird being there again, but it also gave me a feeling of freedom and happiness. 

Around 9:30 am I started off from the Mexican border, bond for Canada, and though I was excited the thought of “what if I fail again” barked at me. My brave mom hiked the first mile with me and then she said goodbye to me. I was off now, hiking 20-30 miles every day, sleeping on the ground, being thirsty, lonely, hungry, hot, cold, wet, and sore.  I had made the decision to embrace all the challenges that waited for me on the Trail and in an instant my life returned to the quiet, peaceful, routine, simple form. The desert is a strange place, it is a harsh place, but at the same time there is so much beauty, the beauty is on a smaller scale than that of the mountains, but none the less, the desert is an amazing place. The PCT travels through almost 800 miles of desert, both low and high desert and every landscape in between. For a thru hiker, the desert is a challenging place, stretches of little water, sometimes over 20 miles without water, mice in water, water from horse troughs, days without shade and all sorts of pokey, prickly, poisonous things. Days are spent planning water sources carefully, making miles early when it is cooler out, listening for rattlesnakes, covering ourselves with sun block, and fighting the desert wind, trust me, the wind in the desert, especially near Hikertown and north towards Tehachapi is the most absurd wind I have ever experienced, and I have stood on the top of 100s of peaks over 12,000 feet, nothing compares to California desert wind. Some nights I really had to tie my shoes to my pack so they did not blow away and other nights I could not blow my sleeping pad up and during the day you look down and hike, clinch your hiking poles and push on, the wind and the sun are exhausting, but somehow you manage to keep going, to keep pushing. This year the desert seemed more welcoming to me, maybe it was I knew what to expect or maybe it was a milder season, who knows all I know is that it seemed to be more manageable. Though manageable, there were still many days were I wanted to quit, where my headache from lack of water and shade felt like it could be the end of me, days  where even walking 2 miles seemed too much. You see even with good trail conditions and a strong mindset, there is a challenge everyday that threatens the success of a thru hiker, some days it’s a mental challenge other days it is physical, and some days it’s both. But guaranteed there is always a challenge waiting to test your patience, resolve, and determination. But I had promised myself that I was going to do this hike and that I was going to endure everything it threw my way. I began the hike with an old friend who I met the previous season on the PCT, we had both fallen short from completing it, so it made sense to begin together, because we understood each other and how it felt to fall short from a complete thru hike. Our first day off from the Mexican border, was quite different than last year, it was cloudy and rainy, and cold. It was nothing like a typical day in the desert. We managed to hike around 21 miles the first day, from the Mexican border to Lake Morena, getting to Lake Morena, was a bit overwhelming, it flooded my heart and mind with memories of last year’s hike, memories of distant time and it was emotional, it felt strange begin there once again and it in many ways it seemed unreal. However, as I would come to realize this entire journey now feels like a dream. But, there I was at Lake Morena, all I could think about is how I had failed last year, how I needed to complete it this year, I thought about all of the amazing hikers I had met last year, and wished so much that they were there again. There was some hikers from last year there getting ready for Kick Off, but it was different, it was a different time, a very different season and I was different. I did not much feel like staying for Kick off because I wanted to get ahead of the other hikers and I knew what I was ahead. I wanted to go, I wanted to start hiking. I camped at Lake Morena that night, and the next afternoon, April 28^th, I was off, headed north to Canada, hopefully, anyway. It was a few days before the true realization of what I was doing set in, and when it did finally set in, it really hit me hard, harder than anything has ever before. I placed so much pressure on myself to finish this Trail, to complete a thru hike. What’s the value in it, why can’t I be a girl who is satisfied with a week- long trip, or section hiking the PCT, why do I feel compelled to thru hike it. Why is my worth as a human being determined by whether or not I can complete this thru hike? All of these thoughts and ideas packed my head full of anxiety, adventure and desire to succeed.  After a few days of being out along the PCT, I felt at home, I felt safe, happy and strong. Only at the moments when I thought about not getting to the end again, or missing home, did I crumble a bit, however, something pushed me along. The southern California desert is a place, like no other, it is hot, waterless, home to creepy crawlies and its harsh, people don’t live out there for the most part, so why the hell am I hiking through it? The desert felt pretty much the same as last year, it felt alive and calm, but also hot and it tired me greatly. The first 100 miles, were wonderful, for a small time, the Trail life was novel and so it was grand, but I knew in my heart that it would not stay wonderful all the time, that the challenges were beginning to start and that the days of long, tired pushes were coming. I met many great people in the first few hundred miles, people who would forever become close to me once off the Trail. My good friend, Kim, joined me around Mile 110, near Warner Springs and hiked with me for about 70 miles, until we reached the resupply town of Idyllwild. Idyllwild is a place that holds a ton of emotions for me, last year on the Trail my shoes were stolen there on my B-day, and this year, my grandmother passed away while I was there. The news of losing my Grandmother became instantly an enormous painful time for me, I had lost my other Grandma and Grandpa a few years back, and I had yet to get over that pain, I still miss my grandparents more than words can say and my life is now forever missing those special people. I did not know what to do when my mom called me and told me that Grandma had passed away, do I cry, do I scream, do I keep hiking, do I write, do I call my friends and hope they can help me feel better, what do I do. I am thousands of miles away from home, I have a backpack and no decent clothes to attend a funeral, will I be okay leaving the Trail and then coming back? I struggled with finding the appropriate thing to do, what was the best thing to do; I could not figure it out. So I started hiking north again for about 30 miles and I got off Trail. I stayed at a Trail Angles house, Ziggy and the Bears, they are from North Dakota, who would believe it, no one is from North Dakota, some people don’t even know it is a state, but they were from ND and they offered to take me to Palm Springs so I could get a flight to ND and attend the funeral. That was a very difficult choice for me, but I owed it to my Grandma to say goodbye, to stand up and talk about how great she was and how much I loved her. So there I was now, in Palm Springs, what a totally different world than the PCT. I arrived in ND on the 12^th of May, and I was greeted by my mother, she looked so sad, and it was so sad, it was awful to have to say goodbye to yet another person I loved. The 6 days in ND flew by; each day was filled with family activities, funeral ceremonies and such. It was exhausting, how was I going to get back on the Trail and keep hiking, this had taken such a toll on me. I spoke at her funeral, I could not stay composed long enough to give a profound speech, all I could say was how special she was and how I loved her very much. When it was all said and done, after all the funeral ceremonies and burial, it was now time to get back where I left off on the PCT. I flew back to Palm Springs, got back to Ziggy and the Bears and the next morning, I was off again. That day was one of the hottest days I have ever experienced, I felt sick all day, and I was so thirsty and tired and weak. Man, it was a very difficult day and I think I only made around 23 miles due to the intense heat. I remember thinking that day, I am not going to make it, everyone I was hiking with is far far ahead and it is miserable out, it was miserable out. The cool of the night in the desert has a certain way of redeeming the dreadful heat of the day. I again felt alone and wasn’t sure I would ever catch up to the other hikers I left when I had to fly back for the funeral. I decided to start to do bigger miles, I want to catch up to the others and so I started doing 25-30 miles a day in an effort to catch up. My pack was lighter this year, I knew what to expect and I could do it. I quickly passed towns such as Big Bear, Wrightwood, and then by the time I reached Agua Dulce, mile 454, there was everyone I was waiting to see, my big miles had paid off. I took some time at the Suafleys in AD and then continued on.  Getting to the 500 mile point is a big step, 500 miles down and 2,200 miles left. The first 500 miles had been crazy this year, hot desert days, cold rainy days, my grandmothers passing, being homesick, etc.  But none the less, I was 500 miles in again and already the thoughts of the Sierras were entering my head. I was looking forward to getting to the Sierras and embracing what they had in store for me this year.