Agua Dulce

I am at mile 456 and I have been really struggling the last few days. I have felt pretty overwhelmed and the days have been hard. I hiked through a huge burn area during the last few days, the trees are all burned down, it is sort of creepy!  Its like an old cementary, its a place where so much damage occured, but  still there is so much beauty, so much life and thats neat to see! I have been hiking with Crasher, Half Step, Ramblin Rose, Topsy Turvy, Data Muffin, Flash and Yard Sale. These are all trail names which is what thru hikers use as a name while they are on the trail, you usually get your trail name from another hiker and there is usually a good story behind the name. My trail name is, Busted Magic, I got it while thru hiking the Colorado Trail. Anyways, I love the group of girls I have fallen into, they make my days better in many ways, but none the less my days are filled with mixed emotions, why am I doing this, why can't I just allow myself to go home, why do I feel  like this trail is so important for me to hike? I am real homesick, real homesick and sadly, I feel like I will be until this trail is over. I feel as though I have put my life on hold for six months and I am worried that all I know will be gone or very different when I return. I have had many hours to reflect on the last years of my life, reflect on the choices I have made and the experiences that have happened. I have to admit I have spent hours crying so hard I thought I was going to throw up, but then there is a moment that totally gives me hope and desire to keep hiking, despite the pain in my knees, the fatigue, and the feeling of being homesick I continue to find a way to get up and hike at least 20 miles a day, through low desert heat, cold cold nights, little water, sand in my shoes, bees, snakes and lizards racing around me, I keep hiking. I don't know what to make of that, I have very mixed emotions of this trail and I can't seem to settle down my feelings. I love being out among the wilds, I love the challenge, the peace, and the solitude, but I also love being somewhere I can hug my dog everyday, where I can talk with my close friends, and where I can let go. I guess for now, all I can do is keep waking up and keep hiking. I sure hope the feeling of being homesick will go away soon. I hope that the next miles will bring me more contentment about this trail.

370 miles and I can't see Mexico anymore

The last days have been great!! The days start around 5 am for me and the miles seem to just fly each day. I have settled into trail life and I am happy with the routine the days have given me. The days are filled with so much beauty both from other people and from the land. The fog every morning covers the peaks almost completly that it seems as though they are floating in the sky. The trail turns up, down, side to side, and around everyday, its like a rollercoaster. Words nor pictures can do justice to the experience of this trail. The people I have hiked with are so amazing and the random strangers that are willing to drop everything just to help a hiker are aweome. Sometimes I feel as though I am a character of a great book, a book that is still being written. I have been so lucky to have seen what I have in the last few days and I feel myself growing stronger each day, I feel so alive, so happy out here. I miss home alot,but this is my life for the next 4 or so months and it is a great life. The miles are easy for me, but the other aspects sometimes prove to be overwhleming, none the less, I am grounded out here. I am now in Wrightwood, I got here yesterday and will start hiking again tomorow a.m.

Please visit my "Thru Hike for CASA" facebook page and help support CASA in anyway you can!!

Stolen Shoes

I am now in Big Bear Lake at mile 265 of the Trail, and the last few days have been nuts. I was in Idyllwild last week for a rest day and I was going to leave to get back on the Trail on Friday the 13th( my birthday) but my shoes had been stolen. I was able to get new shoes and start hiking on Saturday, but as anyone knows new shoes take a while to break in and my feet are now covered in blisters. The days have been so tiring and my body is sure sore and sick of being cold, hot, tired, hungry, thirsty, wet, and blown around every minute by the horrible wind, that never ever settles down. This is an average day: 100 degree heat, ice, snow, rain, sun, rattlesnakes, no water, too many water crossings, wind, wind, wind, wind, and oh did I mention wind. The elements out here are so extreme, that is the hardest part, the hiking is easy and simple, but dealing with the constant wind and changing conditions really wear me out. I walked by an "animal sanctuary" yesterday and there was a beautiful grizzly bear locked in a cage no bigger than a large dog kennel. The bear just kept pacing back and forth, it was very sad to see. It is so unfair that humans have so little respect for animals and that humans rob the spirit of wild animals by degrading them in cages. It made me so mad to see this. I have to say I have yet to enjoy a day out here, it is a constant battle with the elements and after days of dealing with this I have started to lose my desire to keep hiking.

180 miles

My last few days have been crazy long and hard. it has been snowing, cold, wet and lonely. I have slept wet and cold and my body is tired. The nights prove to be long and cold and then when I awake on the trail and watch the sun open the world around me my will to keep hiking is renewed. All I see are mountain ranges after mountain ranges in the sky that seem to be endless, ranges that I have yet to explore, experience, and fall in love with. Mt. ranges that seem to just be waiting for me, so they can challenge me and teach me, it is this feeling that makes me feel alive and happy. It is a wonderful feeling to watch the world awake each day and to say goodnight to the day each night while sleeping under the stars and dreaming about what beauty you will see tomorrow. It is strange to see snakes, lizards, cactus and then snow, there is so much change and life out here, so much power.. I am a very lucky person to see what I have seen, the beauty is so grand and so much more than I can ever really understand, I am a lucky person to be able to be out here among the wilds of the Trail. My body is tired though, sore as can be, sometimes just bending over to pick up a water bottle is too much, my knees are hurting bad as well and it is discouraging because I want to be strong, I want to keep going, but my body is slowing down. Whatever happens, I am happy to be on the Trail, I can't wait to see what the next days will bring. I pray for strength and safety, I pray the miles to come will show me more grace and help make me a better person.

First week on the PCT

I have had six days of hiking and I have done 110 miles, I am now in warner springs, ca. I can't say enough about how difficult the last couple of days have been, the hiking is not hard at all, but oh the heat, heat, heat, and rattlesnakes, 20 mile days,no shade, little water, water with dead mice in it or out of a horse trough,  and catcus that jumps out at you. It has been the hottest most tiring days of my life. I have felt like a thanksgiving turkey in the oven for six days now and it is only the beginning. However, when the heat dies down in the early evening the desert comes alive, the beauty is grand and its all around, it is a powerful feeling to walk in the desert. It is an environment that screams get out stupid humans, it is a place where flowers of all kinds light up the harsh brown dust and a place where the stars can be seen forever at night. It has a certain type of magic, the renlentless 100 degree plus temps remind me daily that my body and soul are still very much alive. I have got to push myelf so much just to keep going, keep walking and keep learning. I feel strong and so I am happy, but I so can't wait until this desert part is over..