Hike your own Hike

Hike your own hike, is phrase well known in the thru hiking world, it means simply what it says, but it also applies to life back home. I am struggling everyday with the fact that I did not complete the PCT, I feel like a failure.I mean sure, I went through the Sierras in a history breaking snow year, climbed Mt. Whitney and hiked 2,316 miles, but I did not get to the end, I did not get to Canada, which was my goal. This sense of failure for me has only inspired me and forced me to desire more treks, more time in the wild.I have grown as a person due to the decision I made to stop hiking the PCT. I stopped hiking becasue mother nature said so, her power is greater than I will ever be and I can't beat it, so I have to respect it and I do. When I thru hiked the Colorado Trail the first time I barely made it 100 miles, then the next summer, summer of 2008 I completed a successful thru hike on the Colorado Trail, with my best friend, Nanuk dog. Again, in the summer of 2009 I reached out for the challenge of the Colorado Trail and completed a second thru hike, it was there along the Colorado Trail in 2009,that my desires for long distant treks and challenge grew ammensly. Thats what lead me to the PCT, thats what continues to sustain my desires for setting goals and going after them.

Though I came 348 miles from Canada, I learned so much on the PCT:

1) Hike your own Hike on and off the Trail
2) Make sure the people you love know it
3) Never give up
4) Experiences are what you make of them
5) Sometimes having courage means making the hardest decision
6) You must always respect mother nature and never forget to be humbled by her beauty and power
7) Most people in the world are great
8) Happiness is only true when you have someone to share it with

My hike on the PCT did not go how I planned, I did not give up, or quit, I was stopped by a force much bigger than me and so I am coming to terms with it, I think anyways. I miss the Trail and will set out to re hike the entire Trail next summer after I hike the Hayduke Trail.

Whats Next

Being home, has both a bitter and a sweet feeling to it. I miss the Trail everday and I miss the moments that are now long gone, moments of true peace, beauty and happiness. I miss feeling content and strong. I have thru hiked the Colorado Trail twice and hiked 2,316 miles of the PCT in a history breaking snow year. I have climbed a countless number or peaks and spend months and months of my life wandering wild places;I intend on making that a lifestyle for myself. For now I am working and waiting for winter to fully get under way up here in the Colorado Rockies,so I can ski and ice climb. I am still looking for a place to live, but nothing seems to be coming up. I am okay with spending winter in a tent and spending occasional bitter cold nights in family or friends places, but I have a dog and I need to make sure she is taken care of, so I will contiune to seek out a place to live.

In March, I am leaving to thru hike the Hayduke, 816 miles from Zion to Arches National Park, I will then redo the entire PCT or put together another long distant route or trail of my own.

I am working on putting together a trek from Alaska to Patagonia, and reaching out to companies in order to gain support for this trek. I can only imagine this trek in my wildest of dreams, but I have been dreaming of it for over a year and a half now and I know from past accompolishments that I can do whatever I put my mind to.

Being back in "normal life" is depressing, I am such a different person and I feel like I am once again in a place that I don't belong in, life back home is filled with so many distractions that pull one away from the true meaning of themselves and in many ways it suffocates the desire to get out and wander. Normal life is not conducive to living on a trail for months at a time, it does not allow for simplicity. The idea of leaving and going out to wander to most is silly and useless, I feel sad for people who think that. I am a lucky girl who has had most every advantage in life and I am fortunate to have had the support I have. I just feel so strongly that after my hike on the PCT, that it is vital that I stay true to myself and live the life I have always wanted.

I am excited for the winter though, because I get to improve my ice climbing skills and I get to enjoy days of riding powder, those days are almost just as good as being out on a Trail and I know soon I can return to Trail life.

Being Home

I have now been home for 8 days and each day back home has been overwhelming and sad. I am reminded that I don't belong here, I hate "normal life" I feel as though each day spent out of the wild I lose a part of my soul a part of myself that I may never get back. I have always tried to find the balance between being out in the wild and being in society, but sadly, there is no balance that seems to work for me. I feel so much better far away in the wild. It is a sure thing that one gets lonely while being out in the wilderness, but I would take that any day over the hustle and bustle of the world, over the daily boring routines people allow themselves to fall in. I am not a girl who wants to live in a box, but the world onlys allows for that sort of life back at home, jobs, bills, relationships, none of that is worth it to me, I don't want any of that.
I want adventure, truth, and peace, things of which I can't find being home. I have so many plans and things I will be doing to allow myself the life I want and the simplicity that I long for, but I have to stay here, work, ski, climb and live until I can go again. I am going to thru hike the Hayduke Trail, 816 miles from Zion National Park to Arches National Park in March, next summer I will being finishing the last few hundred miles of the PCT and hiking the High Sierra Route, 195 miles.
 I am not stopping there, I want to put together a trek from Alaska to Patagonia, this is a trek I came up with over a year ago in bed one morning, while talking to my boyfriend about all the crazy adventures I had and wanted to do, he said so why don't you hike from Alaska to South America, it was sort of a joke, but it sparked an idea for me and it got me thinking. I could do it, stop in places along the way and do community service work while waiting out weather, raise some money for good causes and hike over 19,000 miles, of course this would not be a six month hike, it would take years, but it is in the making and one day it will happen. I also want to write a book, Hike Your Own Hike, about my adventures and the personal struggles of desiring such elaborate adventures. In a few years, I will start back at the Mexican Border and thru hike the PCT all over again, but for now I am stuck in a world that is not conducive to who I am, each day is a hard struggle,each day I feel as though I am wasting my life. I am living out of my car and as the winter crawls upon me, I am still content on living in my car or in a tent. I do not want the limitations that come with a lease or a full time job. I promised myself out on the PCT, that when I came home I would honor who I am and I would live the life I want, so for now here I am trapped in a world that just does not get it.

Washington

Well, I thought yesterday was really my final day on the PCT at(mile 2,223), however, this morning I woke up in Trout Lake, WA and realized that I had more inside of me and that I still wanted to give it a go, so I went back out to the PCT in the pouring rain and started hiking again. I made it four miles and then I fell down and started to cry, I cried my eyea out,it was there in the rain all alone that I realized I had to try all I could to make it to Canada, and that I was not at peace with stopping before I had tried everything. So, I made a plan, I am going to give myself until the first week of November to make it to Canada, I am going to watch the weather forecast like crazy, when there are good days I am going to hike huge miles, then on bad days I am going to go into towns, dry out, warm up, eat and reassess my plan. I know some days getting into towns will be cold and wet, but it is only temporary and I have come so far, I have to try, until I can come to peace for myself with a decision. I have learned so much during the miles on this Trail and I believe I have grown up, I have seen beauty few will ever see, met friends who will forever hold a place in my heart, I have shared so much of myself and been so lucky to share wonderful moments out here with others. I have come to realize that life is not worth anything without the people you love and I have so many great people in my life.
I don't know whether this plan of mine will work, but I am going to try and when I finally realize what to do, then I will do it. The PCT has taken me into the depths of myself, into places I never wanted to visit and never thought were there, I have been forced to remember and think about all the moments in my life, both good and bad, I have thought about all my failures, hardships, wrong doings,mistakes, regrets and successes in my life and through all of the time spent in my own head, thinking, wondering and praying I have become a totally different person. I dont think I know just how different I am from this journey yet.

Back in Trout Lake, WA, tomorow is suppose to be good, so I will head back out in the morning and see how far I can get..

Washington, 500 miles to go!!

The last month has been quite the challenge for me. I have been struggling with foot pain everyday and the miles have seemed to take forever.I have had to push myself every mile to keep going because the pain is so bad, even with 1,600 mgs of advil, my feet hurt,days have been long and become more difficult as they go by. Each day is hard, there is never an easy day out here. I have spent the last couple weeks alone, hiking alone, and camping alone through volcanic areas, forests, ridges, passes, lakes and mountains of Oregon. I have had so much time inside of my own head and I have come to feel calm and peaceful alone. There are times when the world goes to sleep and I am lying there all alone and I feel scared, but truly there is nothing to fear, the wild is a wonderful place to be and it is filled with magic. I have become a stronger person for the time I have spent all alone on the PCT and I will continue to welcome more time alone.
 I am now right near the Bridge of the Gods at the end of Oregon, and have only Washington to hike, 500 miles to the end of the PCT. I have come so far and seen so much beauty and I have experienced more during the last five months than I have in probably my whole life. The lessons I have learned will become a part of me when I go home, and I know I will summon them often to help me with life when I am off the Trail. The forests in Oregon are like jungles, covered in green moss, trees so high that they seem to never end, and plants of all kinds. I have spent hours listening to the sounds of birds and walking through lush green forests, walking through rain and trying to just keep myself heading north. Yesterday, I hiked 31 miles to finish out Oregon, it was raining for all of the 12 hours. I hate rain. However, yesterday it did not seem so bad to me. I started hiking at noon and finished at 10 pm.

I felt so alive hiking yesterday, even in pain, I felt strong. The forests yesterday were amazing, waterfalls all around me, creeks, birds, and at one point I came around a corner and there in the pouring rain stood an elk just hanging out eatting, for a moment watching him eat, and standing there alone in the rain, I felt so content, so at peace, and I rememered there that those are the moments that make it all worth while. I felt like the Trail showed me some grace yesterday and I was sure in need of it. My last 7 miles yesterday were at night, it was so hard to navigate through the dark and the rain, my headlamp helped but the rain distorts all light and it was surely a challenge to hike down wet rocks and through pouring rain, but walking into Cascade Locks last night and seeing the Bridge of the Gods, knowing I was only 500 miles to Canada, made me feel so wonderful, there are no words to describe how I felt standing in the dark looking at that bridge last night. It was a powerful feeling and I know I can make it to Canada. One mile at a time, in the rain, and the cold, it is just 20 more days and after all I have been through I can't quit now. So at the end of the month I will be in Canada and my journey will come to an end!!!

1506, Almost out of California

Well, the past few weeks have been very difficult. I reached the halfway point and the going got slow. The trail has been so hot, dusty, sandy and waterless, much of the day is spent trying to covince myself to keep hiking and trying to remember why I am still going. The pain in my feet is awful and constant and my heart is homesick. I have been hiking with two sisters from Switzerland for the last 300 miles, they are great!! The three of us have had so much fun together, their friendship has really inspired me to keep going on the days when I dont think I can.The nights have been so hot, it is almost impossible to get compfortable enough to sleep, the days are much hotter and the hiking has been pretty boring lately, the comfort of my music has really helped get me through the hours when I can't be alone in my head anymore. The forests in the last few weeks have been  filled with logging operations, trees falling down and chainsaws running all around us. It is a sad sight to see all the destruction happening. I want to be like the Loraz, and say to those people, please stop cutting down my trees, but I can't do that.

 Hitching into towns to resupply lately has very difficult, sometimes taking hours and then when you just want to rest in towns, you cant' becaue you have to go grocery shopping, do your laundry, plan your next strech, fix/buy gear that has broken, etc and all by foot. It is very frusterating!!
But then there are moments that are perfect and that is why I have not given up. It is true that life is not measured by how many breaths we take, but by how many moments take our breath away. The PCT is filled with moments that have taken my breath away, so if I am to continue to have those moments I must continue to push through the hard, painful, and lonely moments. I am less than 200 miles from Oregon, and I can't wait to get there, can't wait to be in another state. It is hard to write all I feel or have been through out here, this trail has taken me into the true depths of myself and shown me the true power of the land, the power of the seasons and the wild. I am humbled everday out here and I am determined to keep going.

I have limited time online when I get to towns and there is always so much more I want to write, and when I finish I will add more!! For now, I must keep heading north :)

Halfway

I am now halfway to  Canada. I have taken alot of time off the trail and I am behind my orignial plan, but I have taken the time off that I needed and I know that my journey has been exactly what it has needed to be. The trail is great, hard work, my feet are so sore, but I am making progress and hope to be in Canada by the end of October. The meadows out here are just like scenes out of the movie Bambi, so vivid in color and life. My days start early and the trail is filled with the smell of lilacs early in the morning and the nights start with the sky displaying all colors of the rainbow. The butterflies dance in every direction and it gives me a sense of hope and a reminder that beauty can be found in even the smallest of things. Trail life is an amazing way to live. The wild flowers decorate even the most dark, dusty and dead places out here. The forests are full of deadfall and mosquitos, but it is wonderful and I intend on finishing. The ridges are covered with rock and overlook lakes that glisten in the distance, the trail is amazing. I feel strong but weak, however, I am going to complete this trail and I will adapt to whatever comes my way.

Heartbroken at mile 1018

I made it to Bridgeport, mile 1018, and I decided that I needed to go back home to Colorado for a few days. It has been a hard lesson to learn that out on the Trail, life at home happens no matter what your facing on the Trail, and you can't ignore life, even when it hurts more than you believe you can handle. I guess I have also learned that even when you want to be anywhere else than alone inside of your own heart and head, you have to stay in it, you have to allow even the worse of feelings to run their course and no matter how uncompfortable it may be, you can't run away from them.
The last miles of the Trail have been just as daunting as the last few weeks have been. There is still very much snow even down low, the rivers and creeks are still raging and the Trail in most places is still lost or covered in snow and water. Days are spent searching for the Trail and trying to push miles so I can feel as though I am making progress towards going north. I have fallen through the snow and ended up chest deep in a waterfall, one night at camp in the middle of the night my campsite got flooded; I had to move up onto a snow bank for the rest of the night, I have had to hike 1 or 2 miles up and down creeks to find a crossing and even when I do it is still very high water and fast, I have bush wacked miles and miles praying that I was going the correct way, there was one section where the Trail was covered by a snow mound about 200 feet long and 2 inches wide and I had to crawl across, hoping I would not fall into the raging river 5 feet below me. I have seen the best of the Sierras and their power is ever so real.
I have been struggling with being away from home, and I realized going back to Colorado that I was so homesick and lonely because I have such great people in my life. I had to go home to regain my desire to keep going and I had to face why I felt so sad and heartbroken. I have loved him for so long and the thought of losing him, was too much to bear, so I hitch hiked 120 miles from Bridgeport to Reno, got on a flight, ended up in Denver and faced the life I left behind in April. I came to find out that things will be okay in time and that love is fragile. I am now back in Reno, and I am heading out to the Trail tonight, to hike north, to Canada. I can't deny the fact that I hurt so badly inside right now, but maybe the rest of my hike will allow me to grow, allow me to experience what I need, and I trust that the remainder of my hike will bring good things. As for love, well, I think we are going to be okay.

1642 miles left, I hope to be in Canada by the middle of October.

The Sierras

Well, I am at mile 906 and the last two weeks in the Sierras have been more amazing, difficult, scary, and long than I ever thought possible. The Sierras have had a record snow year, so with all the snow and snow melt is has made the PCT into a really crazy place. My days have been spent climbing up snow covered passes 12,000 feet and higher, climbing ridges, up and over rock walls, scrambling up rock faces, glisading, fording rivers and creeks that are up to my waist and searching for the trail, which is washed away by snow melt, flooded, covered in snow or under fallen trees. Some places look like a hurricane aftermath and other places look like a winter wonderland, filled with magic and so much beauty. I solo climbed Mt. Whitney 14,496 ft, which was the easiest part of my time out there, and enjoyed the summit all to myself for over an hour, wow, how the world looks so different at 14,000 feet, it is a very intense feeling to be up so high in such an inspiring and beautiful place.

The views have been incredible, each better than the last. The rock out here shoots straight up in the sky, the water roars down every direction around me, the meadows are flooded, the woods are wet and cold, and the mountains sit in the backdrop as if they are old wise dogs patiently waiting to teach those who wander in about life, the wilderness, and about the wonder that is only found in places such as the Sierras. It is a very special place, a place that offers no break to people who wander in and desire rest, reassurance and direction, the snow makes the Sierras more difficult, but it adds so much beauty and life to the landscape. I have feared for my life many times out there while fording rivers and creeks or climbing up passes,which have no trail, at any moment, with any minor wrong footing or slip it can be over and mentally that has been a lot to deal with. The true power of the wild has shown itself  to me out here. I have never felt so lonely and even with other thru hikers around me, the loneliness has been intense and the mental and physical strength and focus has worn me out. I feel like such a different person now.I am not completely sure at just what makes me so different, but I feel different. I feel strong, but broken, I feel bitter sweet about the decision to continue on the trail, I am not sure what the right thing is to do. Within myself I am going through a lot right now and I am not sure what to make of it. I have seen beauty few will ever see and experienced life in ways I never saw myself doing. I have overcome fear and dealt with days of wet feet, cold and wet conditions, losing the trail, getting lost, climbing snowy passes, and fording water. I am not sure of where I am at right now and I have some thinking to do. I would love to finish the trail, but after 906 miles, I may just have all I need. I need some reflection and time in a safe place and that is why I am in Mammoth Lakes. I need to figure out where to go and whether or not the PCT is what I want. However, no matter what happens, the Sierras will always hold a place in my heart and it will always be a good reminder that the wild is truly WILD, that the power it has is stronger than anything else.

Mile 703, here come the Sierras!

Well, I am now at Kennedy Meadows, mile 703 and my hike is about to get real awesome because the Sierras are just around the corner :) I can't tell you how tired of the desert I am, it has been 703 miles of sand, waterless miles, rattle snakes, heat, alot of heat, endless days of no shade, long miles, and crazy wind, so I am excited to get into the mountains. It occured to me today while hiking into Kennedy Meadows that I have now walked from the Mexican border all the way to the Sierras and I have under 2000 miles to go until I get to Canada! I am now content and happy at hiking between 24-28 miles a day, but in the Sierras I will have to lower my miles because of the massive amount of snow. This has been a record year for snow in the Sierras and the passes, ridges, creeks, and rivers to come will slow me down. I am planning to hike around 15-18 a day through the Sierras and I am choosing to carry 11 days of food through the Sierras so I can stay up there and just experience the mountains, without seeing a road, town or groups of people. I also plan to summit and sleep on the top of Mt. Whitney, 14,495 feet during my 11 day section in the Sierras. The group I have been hiking on and off with  is starting to break apart, we all have different plans for resupply and most of them don't have any experience in the snow, so they will fall behind me, which is sad, but you got to hike your own hike, and I won't give up my Sierra experience just to stay with a group. Plus, I spend most everyday hiking alone anyway, which I prefer, it is peaceful and I feel grounded and happy in my time alone.It allows me time to dig deep inside and really examine myself. I am sure I will find another group of hikers to travel with. Today, was a year to date from when my grandfather passed away, so I was pretty sad hiking, remembering him and what a great guy he was, wishing I could call him up and tell him my stories about the trail. I miss talking to him very much, he was such a wonderful addition to my life. I wonder what he would say about my travels!

 I am headed to the Sierras :) I am so excited, so ready for some high apline trekking, so ready for great views, and steep trail. That is the thing I love, I have come to like the desert, but I am a mountain girl at heart and I am at my best when I am high up in the mountains. Happy Father's Day tomorow DAD!! I Love you!!

Busted Magic in Tehachapi

As of this morning I am at mile 567, and I am now in a town called Tehachapi. I am feeling strong, but so tired, my body is more tired than ever before. Yesterday, I hiked 25 miles staring down at the ground stabbing my trekking poles as hard as I could into the sand just to keep my balance against the Mojave wind, which is nuts, totally nuts! The wind exhaustes me and hiking in it day after day has worn me out. My past few days have been spent hiking along the California Aqueduct, the Mojave desert, and  the miles and miles of sand, wind, and heat. In the middle of this harsh, dry, hot place there is so much magic, so much love. The group I am hiking with is great! I met all of them about a month ago and already we share a lifelong connection and friendship, I am not so sure that there is any other situation in life, where one can say that. This istant connection among thru hikers make me think about the loyalty and friendship a dog offers their owner, they dont judge you, or care about the past, all they do is love you, and stick by your side during the bad days and the good days, thats what thru hikers do for eachother. The magic given to thru hikers by other hikers is awesome and the magic strangers off the trail give to us is nothing short of amazing! Thank you to all of the strangers that have left water caches hidden miles from towns in the middle of nowhere for us, left us apples on the side of the trail, taken us into their homes, given us rides, showers, beds, given us wise words of wisdom and encouragment. Thank you!! This has been a very humbling lesson for me, the best part of the Trail is truly the people. The desert has a certain type of beauty, a beauty that I was not aware of until this Trail. It is a place where coyotes sing all night, a place where everything is just trying to stay alive against the heat and wind, a place that welcomes each day with a colorful sunrise, and a place that echoes humans go home. No matter how hot, waterless, windy or miserable I am out here, there is always something beautiful.  The ants scurry around me all day, the lizards run in and out of  my path, the rattle snakes sneak out of holes and through plants, and the sun beats down hotter and hotter as the days rolls on. I feel strong now, I am getting used to lonely 25-28 mile days and I am looking forward to the Sierras, I feel content out here, and I believe that this is where I am suppose to be for now. I have learned more in the last month out here than I have learned in the last year at home. Hello to everyone is Summit County, hello to my family, I love you guys!

Please check out my fundraiser for CASA of the Continental Divide by visiting my "Thru Hike for CASA" Facebook page!

Agua Dulce

I am at mile 456 and I have been really struggling the last few days. I have felt pretty overwhelmed and the days have been hard. I hiked through a huge burn area during the last few days, the trees are all burned down, it is sort of creepy!  Its like an old cementary, its a place where so much damage occured, but  still there is so much beauty, so much life and thats neat to see! I have been hiking with Crasher, Half Step, Ramblin Rose, Topsy Turvy, Data Muffin, Flash and Yard Sale. These are all trail names which is what thru hikers use as a name while they are on the trail, you usually get your trail name from another hiker and there is usually a good story behind the name. My trail name is, Busted Magic, I got it while thru hiking the Colorado Trail. Anyways, I love the group of girls I have fallen into, they make my days better in many ways, but none the less my days are filled with mixed emotions, why am I doing this, why can't I just allow myself to go home, why do I feel  like this trail is so important for me to hike? I am real homesick, real homesick and sadly, I feel like I will be until this trail is over. I feel as though I have put my life on hold for six months and I am worried that all I know will be gone or very different when I return. I have had many hours to reflect on the last years of my life, reflect on the choices I have made and the experiences that have happened. I have to admit I have spent hours crying so hard I thought I was going to throw up, but then there is a moment that totally gives me hope and desire to keep hiking, despite the pain in my knees, the fatigue, and the feeling of being homesick I continue to find a way to get up and hike at least 20 miles a day, through low desert heat, cold cold nights, little water, sand in my shoes, bees, snakes and lizards racing around me, I keep hiking. I don't know what to make of that, I have very mixed emotions of this trail and I can't seem to settle down my feelings. I love being out among the wilds, I love the challenge, the peace, and the solitude, but I also love being somewhere I can hug my dog everyday, where I can talk with my close friends, and where I can let go. I guess for now, all I can do is keep waking up and keep hiking. I sure hope the feeling of being homesick will go away soon. I hope that the next miles will bring me more contentment about this trail.

370 miles and I can't see Mexico anymore

The last days have been great!! The days start around 5 am for me and the miles seem to just fly each day. I have settled into trail life and I am happy with the routine the days have given me. The days are filled with so much beauty both from other people and from the land. The fog every morning covers the peaks almost completly that it seems as though they are floating in the sky. The trail turns up, down, side to side, and around everyday, its like a rollercoaster. Words nor pictures can do justice to the experience of this trail. The people I have hiked with are so amazing and the random strangers that are willing to drop everything just to help a hiker are aweome. Sometimes I feel as though I am a character of a great book, a book that is still being written. I have been so lucky to have seen what I have in the last few days and I feel myself growing stronger each day, I feel so alive, so happy out here. I miss home alot,but this is my life for the next 4 or so months and it is a great life. The miles are easy for me, but the other aspects sometimes prove to be overwhleming, none the less, I am grounded out here. I am now in Wrightwood, I got here yesterday and will start hiking again tomorow a.m.

Please visit my "Thru Hike for CASA" facebook page and help support CASA in anyway you can!!

Stolen Shoes

I am now in Big Bear Lake at mile 265 of the Trail, and the last few days have been nuts. I was in Idyllwild last week for a rest day and I was going to leave to get back on the Trail on Friday the 13th( my birthday) but my shoes had been stolen. I was able to get new shoes and start hiking on Saturday, but as anyone knows new shoes take a while to break in and my feet are now covered in blisters. The days have been so tiring and my body is sure sore and sick of being cold, hot, tired, hungry, thirsty, wet, and blown around every minute by the horrible wind, that never ever settles down. This is an average day: 100 degree heat, ice, snow, rain, sun, rattlesnakes, no water, too many water crossings, wind, wind, wind, wind, and oh did I mention wind. The elements out here are so extreme, that is the hardest part, the hiking is easy and simple, but dealing with the constant wind and changing conditions really wear me out. I walked by an "animal sanctuary" yesterday and there was a beautiful grizzly bear locked in a cage no bigger than a large dog kennel. The bear just kept pacing back and forth, it was very sad to see. It is so unfair that humans have so little respect for animals and that humans rob the spirit of wild animals by degrading them in cages. It made me so mad to see this. I have to say I have yet to enjoy a day out here, it is a constant battle with the elements and after days of dealing with this I have started to lose my desire to keep hiking.

180 miles

My last few days have been crazy long and hard. it has been snowing, cold, wet and lonely. I have slept wet and cold and my body is tired. The nights prove to be long and cold and then when I awake on the trail and watch the sun open the world around me my will to keep hiking is renewed. All I see are mountain ranges after mountain ranges in the sky that seem to be endless, ranges that I have yet to explore, experience, and fall in love with. Mt. ranges that seem to just be waiting for me, so they can challenge me and teach me, it is this feeling that makes me feel alive and happy. It is a wonderful feeling to watch the world awake each day and to say goodnight to the day each night while sleeping under the stars and dreaming about what beauty you will see tomorrow. It is strange to see snakes, lizards, cactus and then snow, there is so much change and life out here, so much power.. I am a very lucky person to see what I have seen, the beauty is so grand and so much more than I can ever really understand, I am a lucky person to be able to be out here among the wilds of the Trail. My body is tired though, sore as can be, sometimes just bending over to pick up a water bottle is too much, my knees are hurting bad as well and it is discouraging because I want to be strong, I want to keep going, but my body is slowing down. Whatever happens, I am happy to be on the Trail, I can't wait to see what the next days will bring. I pray for strength and safety, I pray the miles to come will show me more grace and help make me a better person.

First week on the PCT

I have had six days of hiking and I have done 110 miles, I am now in warner springs, ca. I can't say enough about how difficult the last couple of days have been, the hiking is not hard at all, but oh the heat, heat, heat, and rattlesnakes, 20 mile days,no shade, little water, water with dead mice in it or out of a horse trough,  and catcus that jumps out at you. It has been the hottest most tiring days of my life. I have felt like a thanksgiving turkey in the oven for six days now and it is only the beginning. However, when the heat dies down in the early evening the desert comes alive, the beauty is grand and its all around, it is a powerful feeling to walk in the desert. It is an environment that screams get out stupid humans, it is a place where flowers of all kinds light up the harsh brown dust and a place where the stars can be seen forever at night. It has a certain type of magic, the renlentless 100 degree plus temps remind me daily that my body and soul are still very much alive. I have got to push myelf so much just to keep going, keep walking and keep learning. I feel strong and so I am happy, but I so can't wait until this desert part is over..

Here goes nothing!!

It's my last night before I start hiking. Tomorow is my first day on the PCT. Man alive, I am about to really hike the PCT, it is a powerful, yet strange feeling. I am going to soak in my last hot bath, sleep in a big soft bed with many pillows, eat cookies, alot of cookies and try and prepare myself for the biggest adventure of my life. Wow, in the morning my life will change forever, the beatuy and grace I will experience on this Trail is much more than I can realize right now. I am ready for the time of my life, I am ready to push myself, grow, cry,laugh, and create memories that will forever make me a better more strong person.

So I am off!!!

San Diego

I am now here in San Diego, and in only 36 hours I will start my PCT hike. I am feeling very unsettled and scared. There is so much that I have no idea about and the next few days will prove to be very hard, long and lonely for me. I think this hike might be a little over my head, alittle bigger than what I am ready for, but I am set on doing it, no matter what happens or what challenge I face. I have no idea what I will see, or what I will find, or who I will meet, if I will get lost, or run out of food, water or fuel. I am a bit overwhlemed and to be honest sort of wishing I could fly home to Colorado and be compfortable all summer, but anyone that knows me knows that I won't. Saying goodbye to me dog Nanuk today tore my heart apart. So here I am, and on Thursday there I go, ready or not!!

Well, here comes the PCT

Tomorow, I leave to fly to San Diego, and thrusday morning I start at the Mexican Border!! I wish I could honestly say that I am excited, but I am filled with so many other emotions, excitment being the last one. I have been waiting, planning, researching and preparing for this day for years and there is many more emotions, concerns and worries than I ever thought possible. I have it all setup, this is my summer to thru hike the PCT and change my life as I know it forever. I am have dreamt of this hike and now tomorow I set off to actually hike it. I can't describe how I feel and I know absolutely nothing about what I will see, experience, or feel. I am an expert backpacker and I have a ton of knowledge, but nothing I know or have done will prepare me for this next six months. When it comes to the PCT, I know nothing at all and that is a scary but true realization. Thank you to my mom and dad, my family, my friends, my best friend Nanuk dog, and everyone else who has made this possible for me. I wish I had something profound to say, but I don't.

" May all my trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, leading to the most amazing view. May my mountains rise into and above the clouds." .. So here I go!!

My Best Friend Nanuk Dog

My dog nanuk is the world's best dog and my best friend. She has thru hiked the Colorado Trail with me twice, climbed countless number of peaks, backpacked and hiked all over with me and been there for me through the best and worst times in my life, she is my greatest teacher. She has always suffered from skin and food allergies and a handful of other health issues. Yesterday, I found out that she has been deaf in her left ear for years, due to a ruptured ear drum, I had no idea. I had been told that all of her ear infections in that ear were related to her skin allergy issues. On top of that she has arthritis in her spine. It makes me feel so bad that I had no idea that she was hurtting until now, right before I am leaving for a five month hike. How can I leave her? What will she think? Is it okay to leave her? I love that dog more than anything, she has made me a better person, she has given me a chance to remember the simple, beautiful things in life. I owe her more than I could ever repay. All of my best qualities are a reflection of her friendship, faith in me, loyalty, and love she has given me. There has been days when I did not want to play with her, I ignored her, forgot to do this or that for me, days when my life was more important than her.

But I am reminded again now that she is vital for my happiness, she is a wonderful furry critter that has loved me no matter what for 8 years, since she was 8 weeks old. She never cared if I forgot to play with her or ignored her, she loved me just the same. All the times when I was mad that I could summit a peak, or the weather ruined a hike, or I took a wrong turn, she never cared, she was just happy to be outside in the mountains with me. She loved me more than anything when I failed at a goal or fell short, she never thought any less of me. That is a true blessing! Here is to NANUK dog, the best dog in the world.

I pray that while I am hiking the pct, she will be okay, that she will be happy. I don't know if it is selfish to hike right now, but I look at it this way. I will always come home to her and its better I leave this year than in the next few years when she gets older. I hope that I am not making the wrong choice. Nanuk, I love you so much, I will surely miss you out on the Trail, for this is the first big hike of my life when you won't be there. It would do people good, to learn a few things from dogs. I love you Nanuk!!

Oh Man!! Less than 4 weeks!!

Well, my hike is coming up soon, and I am ready. I think. I mean how can anyone really be ready? It is not a "normal " thing for a person to want to hike 2,600 miles. However, it is the only normal I know and want to know. Thru hiking is a wonderful thing. I have only thru hiked the Colorado Trail twice, a Trail that is much shorter, and I have no idea the challenges and wonders a bigger thru hike like the PCT brings, but I do know one thing. I am so excited to start and even more excited to meet the person I will become after and if I complete this thru hike. I am ready for this section in my life and I am worried, but that only makes me want it even more. I am going to start hiking on the 21st of April. I pray that the snow in the sierras will begin to melt some so that I may trek through it, that my legs wont fall off, that the snakes, spiders,rats, and scorpions in the desert find new homes while I am trekking in the Movae :) Yes, I am a very strong, athletic and outdoor focused girl, but I hate spiders,snakes and scorpions. Oh man do they freak me out! Anyways, this next month will go by very fast and I intend on focusing on keeping my body strong and healthy, playing with my best friend Nauk dog, and preparing my head as much as I can. My dad will be dropping me at the Mexican/California Border on April 21st and from there I will be headed to British Columbia..

Pre PCT

As March gets under way, it comes to my realization that in just six weeks, I will be starting my journey on the PCT, 2,600 miles from Mexico to Canada! My head is filled with so many things: Will my best friend, Nanuk Dog be okay? Will I be able to complete this thru hike despite all of my health issues working against me? Will I get bit by a snake or run out of water in the desert? What if I get lost? What if something happens and I am on the Trail? What if my boyfriend decided he does not want me? I know I am not in control of any of these things,but the overwhleming and anxious feelings I have do concern me a bit. I know myself very well, and I know that I am capable of doing this! I will plan to hike at a more moderate pace than other hikers, in effort to not wear down my body so much. Although I have my worries, I am getting excited, very excited, planning all of the trip, reading the guide books, finding and putting together all of my gear, and most importantly trying to get my head in the right place.After all my legs will only follow what my brain says, so it is vital that I am mentally strong.