Desert Life at Mile 454

I am now at mile 454, taking a day off, a day to rest and reflect on the last few weeks of being back on the PCT. Its been a tough month, alot of things have happened and I have had tons of time to do some much needed thinking. Since starting the PCT over, I have had a flood of memories go through me, memories of last year, hikers I met and became good friends with, memories of nights spent at camp with those hikers, and memories of the challenges that face a thru hiker on a day to day basis, and now my story on the PCT has continued, I have met new friends and the memories of distant time spent out here is now being changed by new people, different seasons of the Trail and new attitudes and emotions that have started to take place within myself. My grandmother passed away early on the Trail, I got off to fly to the funeral and though it was 5 days away from the Trail, it was not restful, it was sad, really really sad and then after those 5 days away I once again right back on the Trail, it felt like a whirlwind and it saddens me deeply that she is no longer here, she was such a great part of my life, and like the PCT, my memories of her and time spent with her, is happy. So, now here I am on the PCT and I will be on the PCT until September's end, readjusting back to trail life, is hard, out here everything is a chore, everything takes planning, patience, courage, and determination, there is never a true down moment out here, its go go go, everyday, and hiking 20 to 30 miles a day takes a toll on the body, both physically and emotionally. The desert is a harsh place, a place filled with so much life, beauty and ever changing seasons, it is around 90-100 degrees during the day, sometimes hotter, and then as the sun goes down the tempature drops and it is cold, however, the past few days have been cold cold cold during the day, rainy some days, and our tents are covered in frost in the morning, this is strange for desert weather, but its mother nature and it is always changing and you can never tell what it will do.
The desert has grown on me, it is harsh, fire ants crawl at your feet, up the mesh on your shoes, lizards scurry every direction around you in the sand and dust, flys bite you, snakes seem to appear out of nowhere, the sun is beaming on you, water is hard to come by, and at the moments when you feel like falling over because of fatigue shade is not found anywhere. Then days come when its too cold to hold your trekking poles and the rain kills your spirit, this is the desert. I have around 300 more miles of desert and then the Sierras, a place where my soul feels most alive, most free, tall mountains, rock, snow, and beauty that can shatter any wild place one can dream of. The Sierras will be different this year, this is barely any snow and it is not a record snow year; I can't wait to see them in a different light. I feel most alive in the mountains and I connect in such a powerful way with the challenge, adventure and peace they provide me with :) so I can't wait to get up North. I have caught up to most people I left when I flew back for my Grandma's funeral, hiking 28-29 miles a day has paid off, its good to see familar faces and it gives me encouragement to keep going, to believe that people who you meet along the Trail are the best part of the Trail and without them, the PCT is nothing.
My body is tired, sore, mentally and emotionally going through too much, out here you have a Trail life, but you also have a home life and home life can effect your Trail life as I found out last year. Its a journey to find that balance of living two lives and I guess I am working on it. The PCT takes me into the true depths of myself and I am forced to come face to face with myself, all the good and all the bad, all the mistakes and lessons and all that I hope for in the future, in some ways thats great and in others its just too hard, so there is really nothing to do, but to keep hiking, keep having faith that one day I will find the balance thats right for me. So thats where I am now, and thats where I will be until I know more.

Mile 210

I have hiked 210 miles of the PCT since starting on April 27th,it has been a true reminder of good things and bad things alike, it has reminded me of the challenge, adventure, loneilness, and the joy I recieved last year when I hiked, it has allowed me to once again start a reflection process about my life, who I am, all my mistakes and who I altimately want to be. The desert is such a harsh place, screaming to me that I dont belong there, it is waterless, dusty, hot, shadeless and above all it is beautiful, but it holds a certain kind of beauty, and only when you stop to really look around and open your heart will you see it. My good friend Kim, joined me in Warner Springs, mile 110, and hiked with me to Idyllwild, mile 180, it was great to see her and in the end she did quite well, I hope she was able to take something wonderful with her from her time on the PCT. When we got into Idyllwild, I learned my Grandmother had passed away, it was like a dagger to the heart, what do I do, do I cry, do I hike, do I scream?? I remember Grandma Opal expressing her dislike of this hike last year and recently how she had told me "Oh Betsey do you really have to hike it again, just come to North Dakota." But I was going to hike, little did I know that in just a few weeks she would pass away and I would forever lose my chance to go see her. Today is my birthday, mothers day and sadly it is also the day of my Grandmothers viewing, I got off the PCT on Friday and flew to North Dakota, I wish I had come sooner. Being at her house last night without her was very strange, again what do I do, do I cry, do I try to remember all the great times I had there with her? I still dont know what to do, it is hard to know and even harder to accept losing someone you love. She was a wonderful lady, always making sure you knew she loved you. I will return to the PCT on Tuesday night and I will make it to Canada!! It is only the very beginning of my hike on the PCT, but I have been blessed in many ways so far, and yes, losing my Grandma is awful, but I will remember her, in the end all we have are memories, all we have is this moment.