Being Home

I have now been home for 8 days and each day back home has been overwhelming and sad. I am reminded that I don't belong here, I hate "normal life" I feel as though each day spent out of the wild I lose a part of my soul a part of myself that I may never get back. I have always tried to find the balance between being out in the wild and being in society, but sadly, there is no balance that seems to work for me. I feel so much better far away in the wild. It is a sure thing that one gets lonely while being out in the wilderness, but I would take that any day over the hustle and bustle of the world, over the daily boring routines people allow themselves to fall in. I am not a girl who wants to live in a box, but the world onlys allows for that sort of life back at home, jobs, bills, relationships, none of that is worth it to me, I don't want any of that.
I want adventure, truth, and peace, things of which I can't find being home. I have so many plans and things I will be doing to allow myself the life I want and the simplicity that I long for, but I have to stay here, work, ski, climb and live until I can go again. I am going to thru hike the Hayduke Trail, 816 miles from Zion National Park to Arches National Park in March, next summer I will being finishing the last few hundred miles of the PCT and hiking the High Sierra Route, 195 miles.
 I am not stopping there, I want to put together a trek from Alaska to Patagonia, this is a trek I came up with over a year ago in bed one morning, while talking to my boyfriend about all the crazy adventures I had and wanted to do, he said so why don't you hike from Alaska to South America, it was sort of a joke, but it sparked an idea for me and it got me thinking. I could do it, stop in places along the way and do community service work while waiting out weather, raise some money for good causes and hike over 19,000 miles, of course this would not be a six month hike, it would take years, but it is in the making and one day it will happen. I also want to write a book, Hike Your Own Hike, about my adventures and the personal struggles of desiring such elaborate adventures. In a few years, I will start back at the Mexican Border and thru hike the PCT all over again, but for now I am stuck in a world that is not conducive to who I am, each day is a hard struggle,each day I feel as though I am wasting my life. I am living out of my car and as the winter crawls upon me, I am still content on living in my car or in a tent. I do not want the limitations that come with a lease or a full time job. I promised myself out on the PCT, that when I came home I would honor who I am and I would live the life I want, so for now here I am trapped in a world that just does not get it.