Mile 210

I have hiked 210 miles of the PCT since starting on April 27th,it has been a true reminder of good things and bad things alike, it has reminded me of the challenge, adventure, loneilness, and the joy I recieved last year when I hiked, it has allowed me to once again start a reflection process about my life, who I am, all my mistakes and who I altimately want to be. The desert is such a harsh place, screaming to me that I dont belong there, it is waterless, dusty, hot, shadeless and above all it is beautiful, but it holds a certain kind of beauty, and only when you stop to really look around and open your heart will you see it. My good friend Kim, joined me in Warner Springs, mile 110, and hiked with me to Idyllwild, mile 180, it was great to see her and in the end she did quite well, I hope she was able to take something wonderful with her from her time on the PCT. When we got into Idyllwild, I learned my Grandmother had passed away, it was like a dagger to the heart, what do I do, do I cry, do I hike, do I scream?? I remember Grandma Opal expressing her dislike of this hike last year and recently how she had told me "Oh Betsey do you really have to hike it again, just come to North Dakota." But I was going to hike, little did I know that in just a few weeks she would pass away and I would forever lose my chance to go see her. Today is my birthday, mothers day and sadly it is also the day of my Grandmothers viewing, I got off the PCT on Friday and flew to North Dakota, I wish I had come sooner. Being at her house last night without her was very strange, again what do I do, do I cry, do I try to remember all the great times I had there with her? I still dont know what to do, it is hard to know and even harder to accept losing someone you love. She was a wonderful lady, always making sure you knew she loved you. I will return to the PCT on Tuesday night and I will make it to Canada!! It is only the very beginning of my hike on the PCT, but I have been blessed in many ways so far, and yes, losing my Grandma is awful, but I will remember her, in the end all we have are memories, all we have is this moment.