I am now at mile 454, taking a day off, a day to rest and reflect on the last few weeks of being back on the PCT. Its been a tough month, alot of things have happened and I have had tons of time to do some much needed thinking. Since starting the PCT over, I have had a flood of memories go through me, memories of last year, hikers I met and became good friends with, memories of nights spent at camp with those hikers, and memories of the challenges that face a thru hiker on a day to day basis, and now my story on the PCT has continued, I have met new friends and the memories of distant time spent out here is now being changed by new people, different seasons of the Trail and new attitudes and emotions that have started to take place within myself. My grandmother passed away early on the Trail, I got off to fly to the funeral and though it was 5 days away from the Trail, it was not restful, it was sad, really really sad and then after those 5 days away I once again right back on the Trail, it felt like a whirlwind and it saddens me deeply that she is no longer here, she was such a great part of my life, and like the PCT, my memories of her and time spent with her, is happy. So, now here I am on the PCT and I will be on the PCT until September's end, readjusting back to trail life, is hard, out here everything is a chore, everything takes planning, patience, courage, and determination, there is never a true down moment out here, its go go go, everyday, and hiking 20 to 30 miles a day takes a toll on the body, both physically and emotionally. The desert is a harsh place, a place filled with so much life, beauty and ever changing seasons, it is around 90-100 degrees during the day, sometimes hotter, and then as the sun goes down the tempature drops and it is cold, however, the past few days have been cold cold cold during the day, rainy some days, and our tents are covered in frost in the morning, this is strange for desert weather, but its mother nature and it is always changing and you can never tell what it will do.
The desert has grown on me, it is harsh, fire ants crawl at your feet, up the mesh on your shoes, lizards scurry every direction around you in the sand and dust, flys bite you, snakes seem to appear out of nowhere, the sun is beaming on you, water is hard to come by, and at the moments when you feel like falling over because of fatigue shade is not found anywhere. Then days come when its too cold to hold your trekking poles and the rain kills your spirit, this is the desert. I have around 300 more miles of desert and then the Sierras, a place where my soul feels most alive, most free, tall mountains, rock, snow, and beauty that can shatter any wild place one can dream of. The Sierras will be different this year, this is barely any snow and it is not a record snow year; I can't wait to see them in a different light. I feel most alive in the mountains and I connect in such a powerful way with the challenge, adventure and peace they provide me with :) so I can't wait to get up North. I have caught up to most people I left when I flew back for my Grandma's funeral, hiking 28-29 miles a day has paid off, its good to see familar faces and it gives me encouragement to keep going, to believe that people who you meet along the Trail are the best part of the Trail and without them, the PCT is nothing.
My body is tired, sore, mentally and emotionally going through too much, out here you have a Trail life, but you also have a home life and home life can effect your Trail life as I found out last year. Its a journey to find that balance of living two lives and I guess I am working on it. The PCT takes me into the true depths of myself and I am forced to come face to face with myself, all the good and all the bad, all the mistakes and lessons and all that I hope for in the future, in some ways thats great and in others its just too hard, so there is really nothing to do, but to keep hiking, keep having faith that one day I will find the balance thats right for me. So thats where I am now, and thats where I will be until I know more.
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